The last line will be much funnier after you see Carlin's next special

The week wouldn't be off to a good start without some horrific violence in Israel.

One thing that always gets me about articles like this is how they always mention the fact that the suicide bomber was killed in the blast. Yeah, no shit the bomber was killed. Otherwise, it couldn't be called a suicide bombing, now could it?

Even if we forget about the labeling, just imagine if a suicide bomber somehow survived. That guy would be, like, the biggest fucking failure, ever. Even bigger than me when it comes to buying porn on DVD. I don't even think it's statistically possible unless if you really fuck up with your explosives. Of course, in that case, you're most likely not only not killing yourself, but you're not killing any infidels, either. Just imagine all the shit a terrorist who survived his own suicide bombing would get from all his terrorist friends. He'd probably get so depressed from all the teasing that he'd go kill himself.

"If the Palestinians want to share and move forward on the road map to peace and bring about the implementation of President Bush's vision..."

A really laughable quote. First off, it's not like Bush wrote the roadmap himself. Second of all, we know what one of Bush's huge problems is: no vision.