OK so this is hilarious and disturbing at the same time.

So you know how Google knows you almost as well as you or the people in your life know you? Or even better? C'mon, we've all gotten those ads that hit just a liiiitle to close to home. Like, for instance, if you look though my logged chats on Google Talk, they are predominantly with Dreamgirl. If you haven't been paying attention she was this fucking girl I had a major crush on for way too long. And one day the ad at the top of my Gmail was for some program to help me "Talk to pretty girls!" Fuck you, Google.

Anyway, we've all been there. But after I just made my last post, check out what Google decided to tell me:

Depressed?
Bipolar Disorder and Depression affect millions. Know the signs!
Healthline.com

I don't really have anything to ad(d) to that; I just thought it was kinda amusing and decided to share it.

If I am one thing I am an emo: an emotional homo. I just wrote about the eight-billionth whiny-ass post from the past year that I'm not gonna post 'cause it's just sad. Be glad for that. Maybe one of these days I'll post some of them or a compendium of them -- which chronicles the past year in my head -- but let's hope not.

That aside I am gonna post this because for some reason when I first saw it I was laughing so hard I cried.

You'll notice that this is more than tangentially related to my new posting name. I realize that this is paramount to explaining the joke and I hate doing that but in this case I just have to.

ChiMo FTMFW

I fucking love this comic strip. Of course I'm down with fucked up humor and the fact that they have no boundaries but what I really like is their style. I don't get the feel that they set out to be offensive -- it's not that they're trying to force it, it's that they just don't care. Okay, maybe you could say they make special effort when Depressing Comic Week rolls around. Either way the strip rules.

OK so just on principle this site is awesome. I have only started exploring it but at bare minimum you must check out "Choir Invaders" and "Tickle Me Jesus."

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

OK so this is kinda random but when I first came across this I thought it said "stew."

So people like it when you're topical. How about Obama? Nobel Laureate. When I first heard that I was like, what? At least the committee that hands out the prize was upfront that he won based on having done pretty much nothing aside from the vague notion of inspiring hope or whatever. So, pretty much, it was all just a marketing decision.

As a recent SNL sketch pointed out, yeah, B really hasn't done anything. And you know, I'm not totally slamming the guy here. He was basically tasked with fixing the world and as such has a ton of shit on his plate so I'm willing to give him some time to work on it. But you know, it would be nice to see some kind of progress.

Take gay issues for instance. There were lots of promises and really not much action. Hot, gay action. Sorry. Anyway, I wish Obama was cool enough to support gay marriage, but yes, I do realize this country is retarded and as such he never woulda gotten elected if he came out in support of it.

With regards to the whole "don't ask, don't tell" issue, I'm kinda torn. Please spare me your buttsex jokes because, well, I just handled it. Anyway, I understand the notion that gays and lesbians don't wanna hafta hide who they are in order to serve in the military. They should not have to hide who they are. But on the other hand, we are again, a retarded nation. And the US military? Yeah it's kind of a bastion of homophobia, I'm guessing. It's also a bastion of buttfucking, sure. But I dunno, I just wonder if there isn't a pragmatic reason that makes it good to have "don't ask, don't tell" in place even if what's driving it is fundamentally wrong.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that someone serving openly is probably going to be subject to a lot of harassment and maybe even worse that could drive them out of the service, thus defeating the whole purpose. Yes, I know. Should Jackie Robinson have just stayed in the Negro Leagues cause he was gonna catch hell for breaking the color barrier? I understand that it has to happen so that we can finally make real progress even if getting there is difficult. Furthermore I guess after working it through I understand the motivation for wanting to repeal the policy but I'm just trying to vent 'cause it all just sucks and this is why I'm torn on the issue. I wish we weren't a bunch of fucking morons and none of this were an issue in the first place.

Alright so I added something new to my sidebar, a list of "Followers" of this 'blog. Mainly because, somehow, I have some. Yo, check it; one of them is some dude who goes by "wom taits" and I'm like OK whatever but my other follower is an Asian girl. Or at least I hope she's Asian because I A) have the Asian girl fetish going and B) don't wanna look like a total racist here. Either way if this blog is attracting Asian girls then I officially declare this site to be full of WIN.

Also, big ups if you know what a source follower is.

The Undiscovered Country

OK so I just can't figure out what to do with this 'blog anymore.

So what's this blog about? Bitching is pretty much the focus here. Oh, and if you're not a big fan of sarcasm, this place probably isn't for you. Not like any of this matters... I'm sure no one is going to read this crap, anyway.

That's how we got started here. Originally, the main purpose of this 'blog was to give me something to do. I was bored, working in a cube, and pretty much going nowhere in a dead-end internship that ended very embarrassingly for me, and this place was a great diversion even if I was just talking into a void.

I wasn't quite talking into a void though as the secondary purpose of this 'blog was to communicate with ETP. We lived pretty close to one another and hung out regularly, but this place was a good way to quickly share interesting links and ideas and shit. This was before we had things as retarded as Twitter. And you can see what I've done with that.

Blogging took on a whole new life however when I found out that a handful of people besides ETP and BOETP actually read this crap. That was pretty nice. Sure, it was part ego, but it was cool interacting with people I didn't even know who enjoyed the ramblings I vomited out here. Also, Google pedophiles.

Discussion of politics was big here back in the day. I was a self-proclaimed bleeding-ass liberal and I was proud of it. As time went on though I got a BMW and a gun. I still like queers and baby killing, so those penalties offset, as I covered in a recent post. But anyway, what ultimately reigns is boredom and disillusionment.

Other things have changed. ETP and BOETP have moved off to the deep South. To keep in touch we have things like Facebook. Arguably more retarded than blogging, but hey not any dumber than acid wash and it comes in handy. If I want to share something with them, that's the easiest way. Plus, Blogger doesn't have FarmVille. God, how retarded is that crap?

Retarded, but addicting. I have been trying real hard today to not plant anything new so my entire farm will be fresh and I can get all my crops in sync so I'm not harvesting a million times a day. Yeah, I know I don't have to harvest fully grown stuff immediately, but A) I have OCD and B) I can't (and really don't wanna) concentrate on anything else for more than like a minute, minute-and-a-half.

Also, I really really need to find at least an 8th neighbor. I still have just the basic 12.5x12.5 farm and as such my shit is packed tighter than a 12-year-old girl. I can't expand my growing operations and barely have room for my animals and trees and all the other things I'm gifted every day. What I'm talking about is Lebensraum, people.

You know what I find kinda interesting? Firefox's built-in spell-checker does not flag the word "Lebensraum" as some kinda misspelling. Fuckin' Open Source fascists.

Okay, so back to WTF to do here. There are current events that I've always got an opinion on, or more importantly, are pissed off about. But I never really think to blog about it at the time. Or I'm just lazy. I may break something off here in a moment though.

Quick intermission: here's a good summary of blogging in general.

Typically the only time I feel like blogging is late at night, after some drinking, and all I have on my mind is this girl my dumb ass is chasing after. That's no good, and there's no way that can end well. In fact, I have proof that it doesn't end well in the form of many a rambling draft dating back nearly a year that I either never posted or posted and then pulled when I came to my senses.

(Just FYI, I am completely sober right now and it is about 6 in the evening. Well, in the interests of full disclosure, I wrote a good deal of the stuff prior to the previous paragraph during one of those late night sessions, but A) that shit's not too horrifying and B) be glad for the nonsense I cut out that came after. And you wanna know what's really fucked up? I just added in the FarmVille rant right now, again, when I'm completely sober.)

I'll try and keep the talk of the Dreamgirl saga to a minimum. There's not a whole lot to tell on that front at the moment because there's pretty much nothing substantial going on, just our weird, mostly online pseudo-friendship. But, I am gonna see her for the first time in nearly two years this coming week. Despite my excitement over this I'm pretty sure I'm only gonna end the week more confused than I started and as such am not gonna solve her just yet. Once I finally do manage to win with her though you will all know because fire and brimstone will rain down from the fucking sky. And you can say thanks BLM, thanks for ending our lame-ass existence. But either way I am fighting the good fight. I am running the race. I am keeping the faith. Haha yeah, everyone's fucked if I'm paraphrasing the Bible. May as well just start chanting in Latin.

Alright, that's enough of that. We all know how posts go when BLM gets too personal.

On the random bullshit front it looks like I still have a tendency to overuse the words "anyway" and "though," and also to completely violate good grammar conventions by frequently starting sentences with "and" or "but."

Oh, and hey, it looks like BOETP may start blogging again and this can only be described as a good thing. Maybe that will help motivate me to start blogging at least somewhat regularly again? I guess we'll see. Buckle up. Or not; whatever.

Sorry, but I totally want one of these. And they are available online, too.

OK so I kinda fucked up the Chris Rock quote in my last post but instead of fixing it I'll just link to a vid which has the line I messed up and several more. Pretty funny, although of course I definitely hafta disagree with his plan for bullet control.

My personal politics are fun. In general, I lean left. I am hard-core pro-queer, pro-baby killing, anti-Jesus, etc. I've had some right-wing views though, such as being pro-death penalty, although in the past couple years I've even reversed on that. As I grow older, I do see myself becoming more conservative in some ways, though. I totally could have voted for McCain or Giuliani had I voted and they weren't total fucking bullshitters (Rudy insisted on straying from his more moderate views and McCain is no fucking maverick; effing screw that shit). Plus of course I drive a BMW, and that's not very liberal.

Seriously though, there are a lot of core issues that I'm just always gonna be left-wing on. As such, I was highly amused a couple weeks back when I was talking to a co-worker, and he said that after talking with another co-worker he was surprised to hear that I was left-leaning and not conservative. A good part of the reason was because we were on our way to the shooting range so that I could try out my new toy.

Settle down, everyone, I'm not planning on going on any rampages. If I haven't already it's just never gonna happen.

Anyway, I'd been toying with the idea of getting a handgun for quite awhile. I'd been out shooting with friends a couple times, and I was like, yeah, this is fun. Plus, I was like, well, I think being able to handle a gun properly would be a good skill to have, just in case. It's like knowing how to drive a manual transmission. Do I need to know how to drive stick? Well, yeah, but anyway, I'm not gonna be one of those morons who thinks that guns solve everything. But hey, you never know, right? After all I do live in like a super dangerous town (only not at all), so I gotta be prepared.

Originally, I had my heart set on a Walther P99. A few reasons. First, it was designed with military and law enforcement personnel in mind. Second, I've of course got the whole German stuff fetish going thanks to the car. And finally, I figured if anyone could make a quality product designed for killing people, it was the Germans.

I never got a chance to try out a P99 but I did get to play around with the aforementioned Sig P229 and a handful of other guns. Obviously I ended up going for the Sig since I was a decent shot with it but also due to Sig Sauer's reputation for quality and reliability. I damn near got a Springfield XD(M), as I was just ridiculously accurate with an older XD model that I tried out. Overall the Springfields are a bit easier to handle than the Sig, and the ones I've shot fit my useless-ass little hands better. Some more practice with the Sig and maybe a different trigger though and I'll be as awesome as I was with the Springfields.

As far as caliber goes, I went for a 9. I thought about a .22, since those are fun to shoot, plus ammo is relatively cheap and plentiful. I'll get one eventually. For now I figured I should go for a gun that will both be good for recreational shooting as well as an appropriate caliber for self-defense if the need ever arose (which it probably never will since I'm a shut-in, and again, not exactly in a "bad neighborhood," unless you count a lots of old people).

The thing that sucks about having a 9mm at this juncture, though, is trying to find ammo. As many of you already know, all the dumbass gun nuts have been going absolutely berserk for the past several months. Well, of course they were already nuts, but the shitty economy and the election and inauguration of Obama has made it even worse. So, not only have gun sales spiked, but the demand for ammo is just out of control. Of course, with all the crazies hoarding ammo, it then drives otherwise reasonable people to do the same. It's maybe calming down now, but it still sucks. I don't need to be as well stocked as the characters on LOST, but if I wanna go out to the range and practice, I A) want ammo and B) don't wanna pay through the fucking ass for it.

The application process is kinda funny. So like, you always hear about this waiting period shit, right? Not sure how it is state-to-state, but here in Colorado there is really no waiting period. Took me ten minutes to get approved; it really just depends on when it is you're buying the gun and how many people are out there working the background check system. In most cases I doubt it's more than a day max. On the application, of course, are a buncha questions about your history and stuff. My favorite: "Are you a fugitive from justice?" Who fucks that up? Probably someone who shouldn't have a gun, or be breathing air for that matter.

The next step for me is to take an appropriate class so I can get my concealed carry permit. Again, I figure I've got the hardware, I may as well get the skills and the certification just so I've got the option. Not planning to have a piece on me all the time, mind you. Of course, my Sig 9 may be a bit big as a carry gun for a small guy like me, but hey, not like I really needed an excuse to buy more guns anyway.

So, where does this leave me, with my ever-crumbling liberal street cred? Well, for starters, I really don't care, since I hate the left, the right, and the middle anyway. Even though statistically speaking I agree with the left more, I've always been pretty ambivalent about gun control. I was like, well, if gun laws help keep guns out of the hands of a few crazies, that's good. Then I was like, on the other hand, if someone is willing to do something illegal with a gun, they're proably willing to go the full nine and obtain it illegally, and the gun laws don't do shit. Do people really need assault weapons though? I dunno; I'll tell you if I ever end up wanting one.

In a final act of hilarity, I am also now a card-carrying member of the NRA. I haven't gone lifetime member yet, but eventually I think I will. May as well, right? Man though, you should see the rhetoric that comes from these people. After signing up, in my membership welcome letter, they "thanked me for my leadership" and all kinds of other nonsense. I love listening to gun people and all their reasons for supporting the Second Amendment. A lot of them really do think that they think that if the government ever goes tyrranical on our asses, that they're gonna fend them off with their guns. At a couple gun shows recently I saw some lardasses wearing t-shirts that said "Tyranny Response Team," and I just had to laugh. I mean, dudes. C'mon.

Clearly, gun nuts are not our finest legal minds and political philosophers. What they really think is nothing more than "I support the Second Amendment because I like guns." That's pretty much my reason at this point, as alluded to above. Sure, I do think that people have the right to defend themselves, and that they should have options, but in the end guns are just cool and you know it.

So yeah, there you have it. Super-lib BLM is now a gun owner. Welcome to guns.

"What kind of name for a gun nut... Is Wayne LaPierre?"
- Carlin

"Fuck that, I like guns. Cause when you have a gun, you don't have to work out. You got pecs? I got Tecs, motherfucker."
- Rock

Fatty fatty bo batty

OK, this is just sad. Alright, alright, there is one positive thing, but let's at least get that out of the way first.

They found that weight misperception tended to decrease among women -- meaning women with normal BMI who were surveyed in 1999-2004 were less likely to say that they're "overweight" than women with normal BMI in 1988-1994, especially among 17 to 19-year-olds.

That's definitely news to me, as I have spent way too much time over the years listening to girls unnecessarily bitch about their weight. But if it's true, that's good. Of course...

Rather, it is the relative increase in weight of the general population that makes people with normal BMI feel more normal, she said.

So it's the old adage that a group of friends has to have one fat friend to make all the rest feel better. Now, all the women out there have a world of fatass friends to make them feel better about themselves, which is how they should have felt in the first place.

Anyway, this whole notion of changing the size labels is just retarded and only works on retarded people, which is to say damn near everyone. You know, I remember shopping for some slacks several years back. These pants, my normal waist size, were fitting pretty loose. And at first I was like, whoa, have I actually slimmed down a bit? Then I realized what it meant when it said that they had an "individual fit" waistband or some shit. See, that initially made me think that the waistband had some elasticity to it (without being all-out elastic waistband fat people pants), but upon playing with these pants I found this to not be the case. I soon realized that "individual fit" meant that these size 30 pants were actually a size 32. These pants were true fatass Docker pants.

Being mildly retarded, I was only confused for a short amount of time. However, most other people, being completely retarded, will actually think that they can drop several sizes without doing shit. This is yet another reason why I hate everyone. See, for those not already aware, I am a small person, but my midsection could still use some work. And when I look down and see something I'm not happy with, I leave myself two choices: eat better and exercise, or shut the fuck up. I wish everyone else could do the same; preferably option A because I am sick of looking at fat people.

OK, so I'm trying to figure out WTF to do with this blog. I've been mostly unmotivated to post, as you can see. And then when I fucking try to post, Blogger tells me, no bitch, your shit be spam. Well fuck.

Anyway, I'm thinking I should blog more now that ETP and BOETP are in the middle of fucking nowhere in the deep south and this is one way to keep in contact with them. Of course, we have Failbook, but I think it's gonna take ETP awhile to adapt to FB and its shitty interface.

In the meantime, I'll just try to post some random shit, as usual. For instance, via Cracked, Retro Comedy has put together a list of what they feel are the 15 creepiest vintage ads of all time.

Hey, so did everyone hear that Michael Jackson died? Weird. You'd think it would be on the news or something.

Welcome back

So, a couple days ago I logged in because I was actually gonna make a post. And when I attempted to do so, I saw that my blog had been locked from posting -- because it had been flagged as a potential spam blog. Blogger apparently has an automated tool that scans blogs and tries to find ones that are spam. And I was like, oh really.

I don't really get this. Sure, I'm impotent in so many ways, but it's not like I talk about Viagra or other fake dick meds or anything all the time. I'm not trying to pull off any Nigerian bank scams. So WTF? If it had been a shitty blog detector, then yeah, OK. You got me. But spam? Dude.

Anyway, once I submitted the request for review, it got unlocked pretty quick. I guess I'm lucky they didn't just say, dude, we're killing your blog anyway, 'cause it sucks. So it the end, a minor annoyance, and all around it was retarded.

This shit is fucking gay. But not really unexpected. I mean, c'mon.

... Obama -- who frequently spoke in favor of gay and lesbian rights during the campaign but has said he opposes same-sex marriage -- declared himself "a fierce advocate for gay and lesbian Americans."

You can't be a "fierce advocate" if you are opposed to something so basic that everyone should be allowed to do.

This is just awesome:

This just in: Oprah fans are fat, stupid losers. Oprah Winfrey enthusiasts are advised to keep their poor germs away from the rest of society.

So I was in the grocery store the other day picking up some random shit and on my way out a stack of soda caught my eye. I saw 12-packs that said "Mountain Dew throwback" and "Pepsi-Cola throwback." At first it just looked like cans with old-school logos but then I took a second look: "made with natural sugar."

Epic win.

Gotta stock up, though, 'cause there's less than two months before it goes bye-bye. Hopefully it will catch on and Pepsi will realize people want this stuff and they'll either keep it around or at least bring it back periodically. Furthermore, maybe it will help bring down the evil corn lobby. Man, fuck corn -- fuck it right in the ear.

Another mindless, entertaining site full of pics. This one in particular deserves special mention, but there are shitloads more.

And one more quick hitter.

And in keeping with the misery thing...

That's funny. Courtesy of motivationalz.com.

If you are here (and not just because of some Google search you made 'cause you're a pedophile) you are either miserable and/or you like to see misery in action. Along those lines, fmylife.com. Why they're so afraid to just write out "fuck" however is beyond me.

Another new webcomic: Cyanide and Happiness. Pretty much all just quick hitters full of any goofy or crude or offensive thing that they feel like joking about (like cancer). You know, sophistocated shit.

Dudes. I've got a handful of shit that I've been too lazy to post but this is so epic I gotta get it out there. I present to you the official CafePress store of North Korea. Take a look at some of those designs -- that shit is fucking harsh.

Also be sure to check out the DPRK's official website.

Came across all this via a Cracked article which pretty much lays out why we never should have been worried about North Korea in the first place.

So I was just reading BOETP's blog, which has not been updated in years, and was reminded of how fucking epic it was. In addition to being awesome it's also interesting to me 'cause her blogging style is slightly different from her normal speaking style. This is not a bad thing though because, again, epic. I am totally gonna start peer pressuring her into blogging again. Yeah I know you have a job shit going on blah blah blah we all do. Get on it.

Recent incident be damned, she also needs to chug it.

Along the lines of FactCheck, another site that does a decenter job of cutting through the bullshit than a lot of other sites that claim t cut through the bullshit: PolitiFact.

Suck it, liberals!

Okay yeah this is coming from a comedy writer who has also taken it upon himself to call out a Nobel Prize winner but c'mon, there are still some good points in there even if there are faults with others. If nothing else I'm on board because I always thought the whole organic food thing was bullshit (personally I prefer my food to be non-carbon-based anyway).

No time for love, Dr. Jones

Interesting. I don't remember Wanosky giving us quite this perspective on the subject. Fuckin' showboatin' lib. Not to say that we weren't still fucked up, which of course we were, and still are.

We thank thee O Lord that in thy mercy thou hast bestowed upon us Dick.

Fucking awesome new webcomic discovery: The Adventures of Dr. McNinja. The current running storyline is here, and archived storylines here. The "So What Is A McNinja?" storyline also has one of the best lines ever from anything.

If I ever meet a pair this fucking lame, I will punch them both in the face. The chick? I will punch her twice.

Interesting, yet creepy. Or maybe just very very HOT. Assuming you ignore the pic of that woman and her dad. And reality.

If you're like me, meaning you pay marginal attention to shit and you're kinda crazy, then you are pissed off about this. At first, it's like, you have six fucking kids. Why are you on fertility treatments for anything? It's bad enough when a couple has serious difficulty conceiving and then the woman ends up shitting out six kids as a result of some kind of fertility treatment.

So anyway, yeah, I was pissed. That was before I knew this tidbit:

Suleman, a 33-year-old single mother...

WHAT?!

Suleman, in the NBC interview, complained that she is being judged differently from how couples are judged, because she is a single mother.

Yeah you're goddamn right you are you stupid fucking bitch. Look, I have precisely jack against single mothers. Quite the opposite in fact. I know that shit happens and sometimes a woman has to go it alone because the father is a piece of shit. I know this from my own life, and I know this from seeing others close to me. I have nothing but respect for single mothers. What I don't have respect for is single mothers who have no goddamn common sense. I mean absolutely none.

Let's trace through this simple-ass minefield just a bit more.

The mother of octuplets, whose story has sparked controversy around the world, rejects suggestions that she may not be able to care adequately for all 14 of her children and that her decisions have been selfish.

...

... while already having six young children and no clear source of income.

...

All I wanted ... was to be a mom. That's all I ever wanted in my life.

Shut the fuck up junkie. Do I really even need to say anything? I mean, Christ. I am pretty gorram selfish. But this is just stupid. So anyway, any idiot could come to that conclusion.

Reflecting back on my childhood, I know it wasn't functional. It was pretty dysfunctional, and whose isn't?

Clearly your parents should have worked just a little bit harder to damage you psychologically to put you off from all this having kids nonsense in the first place.

As always, The Onion delivers.

While I'm probably getting myself accused of being racist, I was never quite sure where to come out on the whole "Barack the Magic Negro" thing. On one hand, it was like, dude. You're a white guy passing out a CD to other white people with this song on it 'cause you think it's funny and you think they'll think it's funny. You're also a Republican, which puts you in with a group that -- fairly or unfairly -- is not exactly associated with racial tolerance and inclusiveness. Are you kidding me. How do you not expect that to go over poorly?

And while of course there was all the false indignation from white people, well some of them anyway, there were also a lot of black people who were like "whatever." So in the end, stupid white dude, no one cares. Let's move on.

I did find this to be an interesting take on the situation. Haha, fuck you liberals. Also, could there be a better name for an internet column? Robert Brockway: Word Puncher.

Solid.

Larry King: negro.

A smattering of random crap for ya.

A webcomic I discovered a few weeks back that somehow I have not linked yet. Maybe cause it's just kinda okay-ish, but it does have its moments. Wonder what they'll do moving forward.

Ted Rall: badass.

Yeah, that's not a bad way to put it.

And finally, I complain, 'cause I've dealt with some stupid shit, mostly but not entirely of my own making, but I haven't gotten it as harsh as this guy. Yet. Damn.

At last our long national nightmare is finally over

I wonder which left-wing publication will be the first to use that after Tuesday. Or maybe it's better to ask which ones will be able to refrain. Either way, of course, The Onion was way out ahead when it came to milking that shit. Pretty fucked up just how accurate that headline was back in January of '01. Le sigh.

Anyway, in a few hours we'll be past all that shit and everything will immediately be kittens and roses. In honor of today's historic event, I offer this which I found online:

Maudlin

Man I totally gotta use that word more often. Anyway, here is a scarrily accurate list of dos and don'ts for guys with an unrequited crush. That's... Seriously that's just kinda disturbing how apropos that is. Anyway, another good list of advice here. About the only thing missing from the dos and don'ts list is DO make whiny blog posts about her. Speaking of which, I can tell you that it is extra nice to get that link from your own unrequited crush. Man, what a fuckin' racket that is.

Fuck yes.

Have your own fun here.

Bitch, shut the fuck up. Seriously. First off, why the fuck is anyone still talking to this woman? Please just let her go away now, thanks.

"I know that a lot of people are capitalizing on, oh I don’t know, perhaps some exploiting that was done via me, my family, my administration — that’s a little bit perplexing, but it also says a great deal about our society.”

Huh? Shut the fuck up, cunt.

"The mama grizzly rises up in me, hearing things like that," she said of a skit. "Here again, cool, fine come attack me. But when you make a suggestion like that that attacks a kid, it kills me."

What? That wasn't an attack on your kid, that was an attack on you, dumbass. But using your kid to try and stir up sympathy for your misplaced or false indignation? That's exploitation. That's despicable.

In the wide-ranging interview, Palin also faulted the McCain campaign for agreeing to a series of sit-downs with Couric after the first one appeared to go so poorly.

Yeah man, fuck them for having confidence in you and thinking you could pull your shit together and answer simple questions like "what newspapers do you read?" They should have recognized you're a moron and put you in hiding, which they more or less were doing at some points. Speaking of the literacy debacle:

“To me the question was more along the lines of, ‘Do you read, what do you guys do up there, what is it that you read?’”

Ummm, yeah, pretty much. But of course, Couric clearly asked quesions like that to trip you up because, unlike the McCain campaign people, apparently, she recognized that you are a blithering idiot.

"... Katie, you’re not the center of everybody’s universe," Palin added off-handedly.

Haha yeah what a bitch Couric is for thinking that.

“I’ve been interested to see how Caroline Kennedy will be handled, and if she will be handled with kid gloves or if she will be under such a microscope,” she said.

“It’s going to be interesting to see how that plays out and I think that as we watch that we will perhaps be able to prove that there is a class issue here, also that was such a factor in the scrutiny of my candidacy versus, say, the scrutiny of what her candidacy may be," she also said.

What? You were going to be -- since McCain could very easily die soon -- just a couple of years away from being President of the United States. There is just no useful comparison between that and a U.S. senator.

There is a class issue here, Sarah, and the class you are in is one of dumb whiny bitches who, again, just need to shut the fuck up and go the hell away now.

Okay this is still pretty funny but I like our version better.

Holy crap this is fucking awesome.

Okay, two things before we get on with this post:

1. The follwing link is not NSFW. Wait, I have serious trouble with double negatives. Let me rephrase. The follwing link is NSFW. I worry that someone out there doesn't know what NSFW means and will lose their job for clicking my link and then come and kill me so I will clarify: the following link is not safe for work, or you know what fuck you if you don't know what NSFW means by now you deserve to be fired anyway.
2. This is probably just for the guys, or at very least, people close in age to me.

Anyway, please tell me in the comments, so I can see if you think like I do (in other words, if you are fucked up like me): what pisses you off about this?

I'm telling you, man, Burris has the smile.

Dude is that Jen's dad?

Well, at least Blagojevich's pick to replace Obama is modest. I don't understand this shit at all. Two things:

1. Blagojevich has to be either the most arrogant motherfucker ever, or the most ignorant. Or both. I mean, to be as blatant as he was about the shit he was up to, in Illinois of all places, and even after getting caught continually acting like nothing is going on? And then there's the fact that pretty much everyone who has a say in it is swearing up and down to do what they can to shoot this nomination down? WTF?
2. Why would anyone accept this nomination? You'd hafta be as willfully ignorant as Blagojevich to not realize that people are forever gonna question your integrity after being his pick. This nomination has more taint than the space between my nutsack and asshole.

This is basically me, once I am also in hell.