For anyone who has better things to do besides read Fe comments, Jay of Marcellus Wallace's Bloody Gitch has confirmed that his 'blog is indeed no more. Sounds like Jay has good reasons for shutting his site down, but it still sucks. MWBG was always a fun read, but if Star Trek taught me anything, it's that all good things must come to an end. Sorry for cheapening things like that, but anyway...

Thanks for the good time, Jay. Keep in touch, and feel free to rant on the new messageboard here which will otherwise get no use. If nothing else, keep us posted on how the book is coming along - my guess is that there's more than a few people out there in 'blog land who are gonne be interested in reading it someday.

So the first big step towards seeing a Democrat not get elected president is this evening. Let the meetings in people's kitchens begin.

For anyone like me who didn't fully understand what the fuck a caucus is, CNN currently has a link on their front page entitled "What is a caucus anyway?" I would have linked it, but it's a stupid Javascript window and I'm pretty sure linking it would be useless.

I don't know about anyone else, but the caucus idea seems like such a huge waste of time to me. Of course, I'm pretty simple-minded, and as such may just be too stupid to see the wisdom in caucuses as opposed to primaries. I guess one thing is that it really forces candidates to kiss ass in a particular state, since otherwise candidates probably wouldn't give much of a shit about places like Iowa (sorry, Eye-weegians).

The most surprising thing I learned today: John Edwards is 50?! Holy shit. I dunno why, but I either never heard his age or I didn't pay attention. Shit, just today I was wondering whether or not he's even old enough to be president, but he has that mark beat by a decade and a half. Maybe I'll throw my support behind that guy. It's about fucking time a shallow-ass country like this had another attractive president, isn't it? Hell, anyone who can stay looking that young at 50 has got to have something going for him, which is sadly more than I can say for a lot of other candidates. Seriously, if he has a hot daughter or two, that would totally seal the deal.

I think I vaguely heard about this piece of bullshit but neglected to post on it. I love seeing $1.5 billion of my tax dollars shitted away just so that the administration can push its religious and social agenda. This is just sick shit right here.

Yeah, whatever did happen to those Republicans of old who were all for getting government out of our lives? Thanks, Reaganites. Oh, and while we're at it: fuck popular wisdom. I've been over this before, but two parents are theoretically better than one, but that's not always the case. Quit pushing this stupid fucking absolute notion that it's always the right way to go. Along the lines of what The Onion once said, "the family that prays together, suffers through long hellish marriage together."

For any newbies, be cautious of the link in this post if you're at work or something. Everyone else hopefully knows what to do by now.

As promised, a couple of updates have been made over at Serafuku (and naturally, a day late). Get there before my daily bandwidth limitation does, or, alternatively, wait awhile.

Ahhh, it's good to have Filthy back. Filthy totally needs to adopt "The Filthy Critic: Resurrected More Times than Jesus" as his comeback slogan. Of course, to take that title, he only had to be resurrected once.

What else is new? Even with a potential WMD find from a time when we knew for certain that Iraq was using WMD, they still can't find shit. Was that whole "Saddam gassed his own people and the Iranians back in the 80s" thing made up, too?

"It was unclear why the initial field tests were wrong..." BECAUSE THEY'RE ALWAYS FUCKING WRONG. Seriously, why do they even bother with the initial field tests? How many false alarms are we up to now? You know what? Initial tests once indicated that I had found WMD in my refrigerator, but it just turned out to be a bottle of Plochman's.

Everyone here knows what a bullshitter I am, especially when it comes to doing things related to making site changes. In my defense, I typically get around to doing everything I say I'm going to do, it just might take a really long fucking time. Well, today is one of those days where I get my shit together and add something to the site. I can guarantee that a handful of people will be disappointed with this, because it's not what they're thinking it is. Relax, that's still on the "shit to do" list, so it'll happen eventually.

So, without further ado, I proudly present Fuck Everything - The Messageboard.

It's a little rough around the edges right now, but we'll be doing some tweaking to get it to a low-class state that I'm happy with. Or maybe not, since I'm a lazy fuck. Also, I don't fully know what the deal with ezboards is - can I keep this board for free forever, or am I going to be forced to pay at some point? There's this little "trial" button that shows up on the front page, but I can't tell if that's just for their bullshit "gold" trial, or if the whole board is on trial status. So, if the board gets little or no use and I end up having to pay, this board will get 86ed. But, if it actually sees some traffic, I'd be willing to pay unless of course if I don't have to.

Also, the usernames "Bitter Little Man," "BitterLittleMan," and "BLM," were all taken, so I just decided to punt on the effort and use my old ezboard account I created awhile ago to read other boards. As such, the jackass known as "keymasterofgozer" is yours truly. Maybe once I care again I'll create a new account with a suitable username and add that as admin.

For Christ's sake, please use the messageboard, so that maybe I won't have to post as much and you people can finally start pulling your weight around here and help sustain the site a little. Also, let me know if you have any suggestions or problems. And no, I will not pay attention to any suggestions to kill the board or the site itself, nor will I listen to any "problems" with shitty site content.

In case you hadn't thought about it lately, here's a little reminder of the upcoming Eva live action movie, AKA the worst idea ever.

After reading through the comments on the link over at Slashdot, the change in characters' names hasn't been confirmed, but I wouldn't be surprised if they do change them just for the stupid gaijin audience. Shame on everyone involved with making this movie, and furthermore, FUCK everyone involved with making this movie.

Also mined from Assdot comments is this site, which posts rumors circulating about the atrocity. I think I'm so beyond anger at this point that I can now read shit like speculation that Harry Potter might play Shinji and just laugh instead of going out looking for a razor. I'm just going to try and sit back, relax, and laugh when it tanks.

To keep my sanity, I'm just going to consider Eva live action to not have anything to do with the real Eva. Much like Enterprise, which I don't consider Star Trek despite the name, Eva live action is NOT Evangelion.

Shake that ass, honey!

Indeed, how much CAN Chun-Li take?

Is that Galvin?

When did Ghandi show up?

They say milk baths are good for the skin, but... Yeah.

Visine: it gets the red out

If you open your eyes, it will be the LAST THING YOU DO.

Nope, there's more.

Bounty: the quicker picker upper

Now with more absorbent... Ah, fuck it.

My guess is that was one of about 348 showers.

... And my life has come down to this.

If you're wondering what the hell the deal is with all the random posts, yes, I am a little buzzed here. I'm getting sleepy, so it should mercifully come to an end soon. And no, I don't have an excuse for most of the other times I'm making a bunch of random posts just because I can.

I keep seeing these bumper stickers that say "Proud parent of a sailor." And I was thinking, hey, how about "Proud parent of a sailor schoolgirl." In one of my few moments of sanity, I immediately realized how goddamn fucking creepy that is. Don't worry, there's pretty much no chance I'll ever have children.

I did, however, come up with a bumpersitcker that I would find amusing: "Proud boyfriend of a sailor." It would go great next to my "God rules with an iron fist" sticker, courtesy of none other than ETP.

"But as they say in the U.S. Navy, there is no wrong hole."
- George Carlin

... But at least I'm not (yet) posting anything like this for my mother to potentially read.

Mad points for posting anything that involves horse cum. Mad points.

Ironic that just now I received a spam with the subject being "How to Relax." Okay, maybe not so much "ironic" as "someone trying to tell me something."

While I'm in the middle about worrying about what my family thinks of me, I need to lay down a quick rule:

Putting on a plaid skirt and calling it a schoolgirl uniform does not alone make it a schoolgirl uniform

This is why I got so damn fed up with American porno people. I can't even count the number of links I've clicked saying it's a set of schoolgirl pictures, only to click the link and find some skank in a plaid skirt with knee-high boots or a tube top or some other crap. There's a time and place for that stuff, but it is not in a so-called schoolgirl set.

This is why I give mad props to the Japanese, fucked up as they are - they fucking get it right. And no, it's not because they're sick like that and will parade around actual schoolgirls. As I've said before, it's not the age of the model but the uniform that does it. Girls with diplomas can wear uniforms and be every bit as sexy, so it's not just my lolicon tendencies talking there. The Japanese just don't fuck up the fantasy by throwing in something that doesn't belong. Bottom line is, if you're going to label a set of pictures as a "schoolgirl" set, you had better fucking get it right.

Alright, so Fuck everything may or may not be in some trouble. I won't explain the circumstances, but a few people in my family are now vaguely aware of the fact that I have a website entitled Fuck everything. My aunt, my cousins, and probably my mother presently have this notion. My aunt and cousins want to know where they can find my site, and so far, I've just tried to avoid the issue by telling them that I'll e-mail them the URL, hoping they'll just forget about it. But, no, they will probably end up here at some point, reading this fucking post no doubt.

Now, don't get me wrong here. I've already pointed out what a momma's boy I am, even if I do bitch about her obsessive-compulsive tendencies (tendencies which I myself have inherited). My aunt is super cool, because otherwise I would not have made two trips in about a month's time to Okla-fucking-homa to visit her and my uncle (in their defense, neither is an Oklahoma native). My cousins are also very cool, which they must be seeing as how they managed to get me to go downtown and out to bars this evening when I should have been drinking alone and updating Serafuku. And no, I'm not just kissing ass here because I'm expecting them to show up some day.

The reason why this is problematic is because I don't want any extra excuses to self-censor myself. It should be fairly evident that I don't do a whole lot of self-censoring here. Of course, there's bound to be some shit that I'm gonna hold back on, but to be honest I lay out quite a bit here, and I don't keep much in the closet. But if it gets to the point where I'm always worried about what X, Y, or Z is gonna think, or if I'm holding back on posting certain things that I otherwise would have posted, it's going to completely ruin this for me. I will fucking quit Fe if things get too bad, and I am not fucking bullshitting for once. Although I do like being a source of entertainment for others, the purpose of this site is primarily to entertain ME. That's how it's been since day one, and, quite frankly, that's what makes Fe what it is.

You see, it's not even so much that I'm worried about anyone in my family knowing my personal demons, because the people I'm close to already have an idea about all that. And yeah, it's not like my mother doesn't know what those magazines wrapped in plastic are about that come to our house. That kind of stuff has never been an issue with us.

It's just that I don't think that anyone in my family really needs to (or wants to) know about my sailor schoolgirl fetish. I don't really want to give my mother anything else to worry about by laying out posts talking about what a pathetic, lonely loser I feel like for not having a girlfriend. I've never busted out these stories (and pray I never do), but I brought a lot of worry to a lot of people back when I was in high school. I'm still pissed at myself for having done it, and I sure as hell don't want to do it again. Especially since, despite my crankiness and my moods, I am doing pretty well, so any worry would be completely unnecessary. And besides, writing posts where I'm passing along porn tips is just kinda creepy in that context. I half expect some blind motherfucker to burst into my apartment screaming at me about how I'm taking the first steps down the wrong path.

So yeah, the main worries are that I don't want anyone worrying, I don't want anyone creeped out, and I don't want to be getting any phone calls because of a 'blog post I made. Yeah, I know, I could just lie or bullshit my way out of this, but I'm really not big on that course of action. Well, nevermind, I'm already lying since I'm trying to avoid giving them the URL. No surprise there, since avoidance is typically how I try and get out of outright lies. I suppose another course of action would be to get my shit together so that there wouldn't be any posts that might be problematic, but let's face it, that is not going to happen.

We'll just have to see how this pans out. You know what the end result will most likely be? I'm overdramatizing this, LIKE ALWAYS (I'm so going to fail this semester!!!!), and whether or not people in my family start reading, this 'blog will be the EXACT same piece of shit it has always been.

Alright, I've been getting errors when trying to visit Marcellus Wallace's Bloody Gitch for the past several days. I hope Jay hasn't dropped out of the land of the blogging, but I am worried since he's done that before. If MWBG doesn't come back, I'm going to get angry. And you wouldn't like me when I'm angry.

Who the fuck am I kidding? You wouldn't like me, angry or otherwise. But still, if Jay leaves, I'm going to be pissed.

Even though they're just the distributors and not the makers of this, I'm going to nominate Takara for the greatest toy company of all time. Even if that dream thing is total rubbish, they still get the nod from me, thanks to (but not limited to) bad-ass toys like 20th Anniversary Optimus Prime.

Actually, you know what? That dream machine could be horribly dangerous if it actually works. What if someone whose life totally sucked got ahold of one? They might just do what they can to spend as much time as possible sleeping, only waking when they can't sleep anymore or they have to input a new dream. Goodbye job, goodbye friends, hello motherfucking fantasyland. Sure, it'd all be fake, but that's fairly comparable to real life, now isn't it? It'd be like your own bloody movie, except you're not inflicting it upon everyone else like most of the grassfuckers in Hollywood.

Of course, when I say it could be dangerous, I'm not talking about myself. I'm perfectly happy with... Goddamn it, I want one of those things.

Wow, this is kinda fucked up.

Speaking of that little eichi blog of mine, I haven't updated it since fucking Christmas. I'll try and get my shit together and make a post or two over there later this evening, because lord knows that the lord doesn't exist and that the FBI needs more evidence in their case against me.

Okay, for those who A) haven't already noticed and B) care, comments are back up and running. Let me know if there are any problems (with the commenter, not the site content - nothing we can do there), because that most likely means I fucked something up. A quick test shows that things are OK, though.

A big thanks goes out to the people at HaloScan for not only taking on the band of misfits that is former BlogSpeak users, but for doing so in a manner that allowed us to preserve our old comments. Also, thanks to Harry, the former BlogSpeak admin. It's a shame that guy was doing all this on a volunteer/donation basis, only to have to deal with a bunch of shit from his hosting service which lead to him shutting BlogSpeak down.

The transition to HaloScan was pretty easy, at least as far as Fe was concerned. I haven't hooked the sailor schoolgirl 'blog up just yet, but that's kinda low priority since no one comments there anyway. HaloScan is looking pretty good thus far. One feature that's really nice is that the list of comments will show not only the comments themselves, but also what post they're associated with. That was one thing BlogSpeak didn't have, and it was a pain in the ass when someone commented on an older post and I couldn't figure out what post it was just based on what the commenter said.

The only thing basic HaloScan doesn't have is e-mail notification of new comments. I can get that feature if I donate $10, though, which is something I might do. Despite my tendency to be frugal an asshole, I will definitely get good use out of that ten bucks, and it seems like a reasonable thing to do since HaloScan looks like it's run by two guys now, as opposed to one back at BlogSpeak. I was willing to front some money to help that one out, so at least there's a precedent in place to keep me from feeling like a total faceless consumer whore. Ignoring the fact that, well, that's exactly what I am.

So, yeah, have fun with the revitalized comments, Fuckheads. Try not to be lame, ignoring the fact that the site itself is indeed lame.

Yeah, people are just going to be falling all over themselves to pay nearly $700 to take the fun out of video games.

"The Kilowatt is at the intersection of these two and that demographic is capable of paying that kind of price." You're neglecting the fact that the people making up that gamer demographic are living in their parents' basement.

Real nice. Bush cries "ugly politics" and "unconstitutional" when it suits him, then pulls shit like this.

I wouldn't give a shit if they ran around naked. I'm still not watching any soccer. I know you say "bullshit" to my claim, but I seriously cannot tolerate that sport, no matter what they do to sex it up. The Baywatch principle is in effect; just because there are scantily clad women running around doesn't mean I'm going to watch some shitty show. I have plenty of other resources for stroke material that don't force me to watch Pamela Anderson (who hasn't been hot since the days when her tits were natural, by the way) "acting" or some boring-ass sport.

"There are two things that my kid is not getting involved in: drugs and soccer."
- JFR

Here's a link via Penny Arcade, who also had a comic on the subject.

This issue has been in the news for awhile, and I've thought about commenting on it several times. I kinda avoided it, partly out of laziness, and partly out of the fact that commenting on the issue would be even more redundant than a lot of the other posts I make on this 'blog. After all, I make my feelings about foul language pretty clear with the name of this 'blog. If that fails to drive home the point, then just about every bloody post I've made should do the trick. But, fuck it, I'm bored, so let's chat.

God, I am so sick of this stupid debate. This really goes to show what uptight, unsophisticated, sissy cunts we are as a society. We're afraid of BAD WORDS. Oh no! Not bad words! What the fuck will ever save us from the horror of bad words?!

I promise you that except in cases of extreme volume, words never hurt anyone. Actually, I'm going to go a step further. Words never hurt anyone. Period. Not even really loud ones; we have physics and our own frail biology to blame in those cases. No, the words themselves have never done a goddamn thing to anyone.

Don't even give me any shit about children, who are always the unwilling reason for this debate. Here's the deal: if your kids are so fragile that words like "fuck" or "cunt" are going to irreparably damage them, then it is time for you to just euthanize your kids. They are not long for this world if they can't handle some filthy language every now and then. A lot of you aren't going to like this, but if you don't want your kids being potty mouths, then I once again suggest you try some parenting. Sorry, some fucking parenting.

People always like to forget that we have choices in this country. If you don't like the language or content of a particular TV program or radio broadcast, then just fucking change the channel or the station. "But what if my kids are accidentally exposed to it? I can't control everything they see or hear." Yeah, welcome to reality, asshole. You can't control everything your children are exposed to. They're going to be exposed to all sorts of shit no matter how hard you try or how many laws are passed. Unless if you want to keep them locked in a room for their entire lives, it's gonna happen, and you're going to have to fucking own up to conceiving the little bastards and somehow resolve the situation. No one ever said it was gonna be easy, but you're the one who signed on for this, so shut the fuck up and leave the rest of us alone.

Some people like to say that those who use curse words have limited vocabularies. This notion is just plain fucking stupid. For some people, yeah, that's true. Considering the size of the unwashed, uneducated masses out there, there are PLENTY of people with limited vocabularies, swear words or not. Shit, the way I look at it, my vocabulary is actually bigger since I will allow these words into my working set.

I'll be the first to stand up and point out that fucking using "fuck" as every fucking other word in a goddamn fucking sentence is not the fucking way to fucking sound like you're any fucking kind of educated fuck with any sort of fucking class. Most people, however, are not that bad. Even I'm not that bad, although I obviously come close more often than some people. And I don't use bad words when I'm in a situation where I know it's not appropriate. I'm flexible like that. In addition to being able to communicate using the standard, everyday acceptable language, I can bust out the elevated diction MORE than the next guy. So fuck all that shit, silent Bob. Learn when and when not to use bad words, unless of course if you just don't care.

Okay, that covers the social aspects of language. How about the legal ones? Well, not surprisingly, this arena pisses me off as well.

"It's irresponsible of our programmers to continue to try to push the envelope of a reasonable set of policies that tries to legitimately balance the interests of the First Amendment with the need to protect our kids."

NONE OF THESE POLICIES LEGITIMATELY BALANCE THE INTERESTS OF THE FIRST AMENDMENT WITH ANYTHING. THEY ARE ALL BLATANT FIRST AMENDMENT VIOLATIONS THAT HAVE BEEN PROPAGATED FOR YEARS BY WHINEY RELIGIOUS AND FAMILY GROUPS.

Read: conservative fuckheads. By conservative, I'm not talking politically, I'm talking people who live in this narrow little bubble that they refuse to look beyond for fear that there might be something different, interesting, or even fun out there. This coming from me, who's pretty fuckin' narrowminded.

When it comes to all this, I go back to George Carlin, who said something along the lines of the following: "At one point it was decided that TV and radio were the only parts of speech that were not subject to the First Amendment protections of the Constitution. I'd like to repeat that, because it sounds vaguely important."

The First Amendment is not absolute. I know that. However, we have a yardstick for determining when the First Amendment can be restricted: when speech presents a clear and present danger. Where the fuck is the clear and present danger of using bad language? Oh, yeah, you can make arguments about how it's harming our children, or how it degrades us as a society. THOSE HARDLY QUALIFY AS "CLEAR."

Sorry for all the yelling, but it infuriates me to no end that one of our most sacred principles is continually violated based on the wishes of a religious and conservative base who want to push their boring ideals on EVERYONE.

The only reason why I can tolerate some censorship is because it makes it all that much more naughty when someone does use swear words. Censorship helps keep the edge on these words, and their taboo nature makes them more fun and interesting to use. I mean, shit, that's pretty much the main joke here at Fuck everything. The thing is, all these censor-happy fuckheads are not doing this so that we can be amused, they're doing it to push their lame-ass agendas on the rest of us. So no points for them.

Even in cases of racist or hateful language, I've again gotta go with Carlin. It's not the hateful words you need to worry about, it's the asshole who's saying those words that you've gotta watch out for. The actions coming from dumbasses like that oftentimes DO hurt people, but the words in and of themselves do not hurt anyone.

You know, if bad words were such a horrible, destructive force, then our society would have ceased to exist a long time ago. Shit, if these uptight ninnies were correct, this 'blog alone could bring about the fall of Western civilization. But you know what? People are using foul language everywhere everyday, and we're still here. So relax, say what you want, and just ignore what you don't want to hear. I don't see why that's such a big issue, since we're pretty good at ignoring shit already. Just lighten up America, will 'ya?

In closing, I think Eric Cartman put it best when he said "What's the big fuckin' deal, bitch? It doesn't hurt anyone. Fuck fuckitty fuck fuck fuck."

Gimme a "D"!