Evil? We had better invade to look for WMD just in case.

Okay, so Blogger now has the option to syndicate 'blog content with something they call Atom. It sounds kinda like RSS, only it's not. I'm pretty sure. All because we in the tech community can never agree on anything, and instead must create 67 standards for everything so we can have a ones and zeros pissing contest while everyone else is getting laid.

At least one person has expressed interest in an RSS feed for Fe. If this Atom bullshit is useless to anyone who'd like to see this site syndicated, let me know, and I will finally get my shit together and bust out RSS. I know that it's not difficult, I'm just lazy when it comes to simple shit. Just like yet another project, which maybe I'll get to this weekend (for about the twentieth weekend in a row).

See, this is still one of the things that I like about Dean. Granted, he's not some totally magnanimous guy, but sometimes I do get the sense that he does feel that getting Bush out (and, hence, trying to get us back on track) is priority one. There was a speech, I believe after Iowa but before New Hampshire and the shitstorm that followed, where he made mention of how he would support whoever got the D nomination in the end. It showed to me that the man, while still with some confidence and willing to work, was realistic in the sense that he knew he may not be the ultimate victor. It's not much, but still more than I see from the rest of the field.

Of course, Dean is doing what I said awhile back - namely, only admitting that he'd accept the #2 job only after reaching the point where his chance of getting the #1 job has pretty much passed. Still, the fact that he's being slightly more honest wins a couple of points in my book. I'm sure that will be a nice consolation for Mr. Dean once it's all said and done with.

"Oh, boy, I don't have a shot at being president, but some stupid loudmouthed kid said I'm slightly more honestthan everyone else. This is way better than being president of the United Fucking States."

Sorry, Howard - that's all I've got.

Personally, I'm just going to wait for the revised numbers.

Hopefully Night Rider really is just joking. It wouldn't surprise me if he isn't, though, since Hasselhoff is just so damn pathetic. Seeing him in interviews, you really get the sense that he thinks he's some really great man, when he just isn't.

My favorite Hasselhoff story was the one about his big Pay-Per-View concert several years back. It tanked, naturally, but he had the perfect scapegoat - while his concert was playing, OJ was running around in a white Bronco with a gun to his head. Sorry David; it's not OJ's fault. Your concert just plain sucked, and would have done poorly no matter what.

I find no end to the amusement that Europe is supposed to be all sophisticated and shit, yet people like David Hasselhoff and Jerry Lewis are practically demigods in places over there. Of course, we don't have the art, the culture, or the history of Europe over here, but at least Hasselhoff can't release chart-topping hits over here.

Then there's the fact that we know what sick fuckers the Germans are. Apparently, they'll eat any shit you feed them. Literally.

As always, Bush gets to define his own playing field. I almost feel decently OK about it with McCain in there, but if he actually believes that politics can be kept out of the probe, then, yeah, he's just another puppet.

The power of prayer comes through once again.

I don't understand why the phrase "Orwellian" is being thrown around so much these days...

As already commented on by Jared, the latest from Maureen Dowd. I probably would have linked this sooner, had those NYT bastards had the link on their front page earlier like they should have. Excuses, excuses, I know. Eat me.

Do you believe in miracles? ... Not really.

Here's another thing I'm sick and tired of. Have you heard the story about the missing 11-year-old girl? Well if not, don't sweat it, because that's not really relevant to this rant. The girl is still missing, and right now on CNN's front page they have a picture of a woman holding up a sign urging passersby to pray. I can't read all of what the sign says; suffice it to say that it's a call to pray for the girl's safe return. Wait, maybe if I wasn't just fucking retarded, I would have seen that it says "Pray for Carlie" the first time I read it. Like I said, fuckers.

Listen up, people: PRAYING DOESN'T DO SHIT. While you're busy praying, you could be out doing something useful. Like looking for the girl in this particular example.

God, I hate that stupid praying bullshit. I could obviously be very wrong about this, but I'm pretty sure that any time you pray for something that ends up happening, that's just coincidence. Of course, when something does turn out happening, the prayfuckers are dancing in the streets. "Yay God! He answered our prayers!"

Yeah, you just keep thinking that.

In addition to the fact that I think praying is wholly ineffective, I think it's a cheap excuse to get out of doing anything. "I'm gonna pray for you!" Thanks, asshole. Thanks for taking out all that time and effort to say fucking words to an imaginary creature instead of doing something. Yeah, that'll get me through my cancer.

Just to make sure there's no confusion, I don't have cancer. Yet. That was just an example, but considering the history on my grandfather's side of the family, it might catch up to me someday. I'll pray that it doesn't.

You know what? Here's another strike against the anti-drug people: action might very well be the anti-prayer, and if that's the case, it can't be the anti-drug. Wait, though, you could make a case that prayer IS a drug. Fuck, I just backed myself into a corner. Punt!

Yes, prayer does serve to give some people peace of mind, but that's just stupid. Which is okay, really, since we all have plenty of stupid shit we use to put us at ease. Alcohol, for instance. But quit thinking you're doing humanity some great service when you pray, because you're not, you lazy self-righteous fucker.

Update

Let that be a lesson to you, kids: you should always, always be ashamed of anything even remotely sexual. Sex is dirty, sex is bad, and you're going to hell because of it. It's damn near everyone's favorite thing in the world, but you're going to suffer for all eternity if you come close to even thinking about it. Especially in a place called Effingham County.

But remember, God loves you!

Wait, I just realized something: the baby Jesus was asking for it. Hey, he had on a skimpy loin cloth.

For all one or two of you sick perverts, there are some updates over at Serafuku. I'm over my bandwidth limit for the time being, so you might have to wait awhile. Think of it as something to look forward to. Or a total cocktease; your call.

I know, I know. I could set up a really smart pipelined scheme like John has with his other 'blog, Pantystockings!, but I just don't care enough to go through all that effort just to A) give the feds more ammo and B) help other guys get off. Sorry. Of course, I don't seem to care about doing work (cough*one-handed typing*cough) to help guys get off on IRC, but that's so totally different. I'm pretending he's a girl, just 'cause he says he is. That is so much more normal.

Geez, between two posts with incest jokes and ones like this where you once again learn more about me than you ever wanted to, I've gotta wonder how many readers we've lost this week.

As Erin pointed out, there's yet another anti-drug lurking around out there: friendship. Yet more total bullshit. Statistically speaking, doesn't friendship increase your chances of doing drugs? The more friends you have, the better chance you have of either finding a druggie friend, or finding a friend who knows some druggies. If nothing else, I think that I'm a perfect counterexample - I've never done drugs, and I never have any friends. WHERE'S YOUR FANCY REASONING NOW, ANTI-DRUG PEOPLE?!?!?!? Oh yeah, that's right, you don't have any. My bad. No, wait, your bad.

Okay, I'm pretty sure my counterexample isn't quite logically sound. Oh effing well; I'm still doing better than those anti-drug fuckers.

Whatever. In the end, I'm pretty sure that no matter if it's friendship, responsibility, parents, or action, none of those colliding with "drug" produce pure energy. Hence, none of them can be the anti-drug. Listen, as soon as you people take some PCP to FermiLab and throw it in their accelerator, we can talk. Until then, fuck off.

Okay, so it's much more crude than decent

Oh, and just so that I can make a halfway decent point while being crude, just imagine if some church put up a picture that depicted Clinton raping the baby Jesus. Conservatives would be shitting themselves with how fucking cool they thought it was, and you wouldn't hear any complaints about how the church is showing a "conservative bias."

Also, don't ask why so many posts as of late have titles. It's just happening, and I'm not really sure why.

More liberal bias on campus. Oh fucking no. I never would have expected a liberal bias from an institution known for sex, drinking, drugs, and just partying in general populated by a bunch of kids who have not yet seen how badly this place sucks. God, I am getting sick of these whiny campus conservatives. This, of course, coming from a whiny liberal.

Here's why this pisses me off, other than the fact that everything pisses me off. It's just another instance of the right-wing crowd insisting that they have everything their way all the time, no matter where they are. Look right-wingers, the left is really not good at organizing. Actually, let's not sugar-coat it - the left fucking sucks at organizing. All you have to do is look at the Democratic party and how they've been doing nothing but rolling over and then failing to get it together in terms of putting up a decent presidential candidate. College campuses are just about the last liberal stronghold. That's all they fucking have. Can't you just leave them that ONE FUCKING THING?

Of course you can't, you selfish fucking babies. This coming from one of the biggest most selfish babies I know. Fuck, I should know; we can smell our own.

Did I mention the torture? God, what a bunch of bullshit. But you know what? We're going to put up with the bullshit, and Bush is going to ride it all the way to re-election.

I love how Tenet keeps saying that they were never told "what to say or how to say it." Yeah, because the Bush administration is always straightforward in its rhetoric. You know, the people who never actually said Saddam was involved in 9/11, but most certainly tried to imply it. The administration doesn't have to say anything directly to the CIA to get them to behave like they want them to; there are plenty of other subtle and not-so-subtle ways of influencing people working for you.

They can predict how much the deficit will be cut over several years in a still uncertain economy, but giving an estimate of war costs is right out.

So, will Kerry campaign his guts out in Wisconsin, or has everyone pretty much accepted that Dean is done?

I am so embarassed by us that it's not even funny. Look, no one besides fans of "mature" women want to see 80-year-old breasts, but it's not like it's doing any harm. I mean, if you think... Oh, forget it.

I'd throw up if I had more food in me than coffee, OJ, pretzels, and Pocky. Actually, now that I review my food intake for the day, coupled with 80-year-old boobs and how fucking retarded we are, I just might have a food recall after all.

Even I'm not this desperate. No, seriously.

Besides, no one who knows me would believe it.

I think it's great how "unconditional love" comes with the condition that you pony up some cash.

I think we can handle a 50 plate

Believe it or not, I actually go to Hooter's for wings. Seriously, there's no point otherwise because it's not like I'm going to get with one of the waitresses anyway, plus we NEVER get the hot one. So often, there's always a bunch of mediocre ones running around, and then one really nice one. Like one time, there was one who was short, brunette, and wore glasses. Yeah, we never got her table.

Also, it's because of the fact that I go there for wings that I no longer go there. Holy hell are those things good, and Jesus fucking Christ are they bad for you.

Anyway, back to the story. I don't really know where the dad gets off (no pun intended) saying Hooters has "high standards." Sadly, though, lots of people do take their kids in there. It's not like it's going to damage them or anything, but it is pretty low-class. I mean, the place is designed for men to get drunk and ogle chicks in tight, skimpy outfits. Some things are for kids, and some things are not.

In the end, I think pretty much anything a daughter does is OK if a father gives it the thumbs up. Unless of course if it's like this one girl we knew in high school, who another guy was convinced was being fucked by her dad. His reasoning? That's what he'd be doing if he were her dad. There were lots of reasons we didn't hang out with this kid on a regular basis (the one with the "theory").

Yeah... I should probably stop telling you stories about people we knew in high school right about now.

Today's entry in the "doing shit just because we can" category. There are so many fucked up things with this that I don't know where to begin.

"It might also be possible to grow human sperm in mice..."

Yeah, because that won't end badly.

"Theoretically, it could enable a boy to become a father before he reached puberty."

Like I was fucking saying...

Even Captain Picard thinks that going to Mars and the moon is stupid.

You know, I feel bad calling Patrick Stewart Captain Picard. I mean, it's just that Stewart is such a good actor apart from Trek, and he's probably sick of the Picard shit. Of course, some actors would kill for that, but still. Patrick Stewart is fucking cool, and deserves way better than frothing at the mouth geeks jerking off to episodes of Next Gen.

Yeah, this is the kind of stuff that I feel bad about. That pretty much gives you an idea as to just how bad of a person I am. Well, actually, no, it really doesn't, which is fucked up.

Hey Joe, I just got done playing Vice CIty and now I'm downloading naked women. Just wanted to stop for a sec to say "hi."

Don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out.