Do you believe in miracles? ... Not really.

Here's another thing I'm sick and tired of. Have you heard the story about the missing 11-year-old girl? Well if not, don't sweat it, because that's not really relevant to this rant. The girl is still missing, and right now on CNN's front page they have a picture of a woman holding up a sign urging passersby to pray. I can't read all of what the sign says; suffice it to say that it's a call to pray for the girl's safe return. Wait, maybe if I wasn't just fucking retarded, I would have seen that it says "Pray for Carlie" the first time I read it. Like I said, fuckers.

Listen up, people: PRAYING DOESN'T DO SHIT. While you're busy praying, you could be out doing something useful. Like looking for the girl in this particular example.

God, I hate that stupid praying bullshit. I could obviously be very wrong about this, but I'm pretty sure that any time you pray for something that ends up happening, that's just coincidence. Of course, when something does turn out happening, the prayfuckers are dancing in the streets. "Yay God! He answered our prayers!"

Yeah, you just keep thinking that.

In addition to the fact that I think praying is wholly ineffective, I think it's a cheap excuse to get out of doing anything. "I'm gonna pray for you!" Thanks, asshole. Thanks for taking out all that time and effort to say fucking words to an imaginary creature instead of doing something. Yeah, that'll get me through my cancer.

Just to make sure there's no confusion, I don't have cancer. Yet. That was just an example, but considering the history on my grandfather's side of the family, it might catch up to me someday. I'll pray that it doesn't.

You know what? Here's another strike against the anti-drug people: action might very well be the anti-prayer, and if that's the case, it can't be the anti-drug. Wait, though, you could make a case that prayer IS a drug. Fuck, I just backed myself into a corner. Punt!

Yes, prayer does serve to give some people peace of mind, but that's just stupid. Which is okay, really, since we all have plenty of stupid shit we use to put us at ease. Alcohol, for instance. But quit thinking you're doing humanity some great service when you pray, because you're not, you lazy self-righteous fucker.