Tuesday, March 02, 2004
Galvin's latest post has a line so offensive and a line so brilliant that I had to just sit back at my desk for a minute and let it soak in. Oh, and by offensive, I of course mean offensive to many, but fucking hilarious to me. The post also leaves me torn between hitting Red Lobster for lunch and just lurking around a local middle school. They're about equidistant from where I work.
I've mentioned before how I'm always getting Google hits for naughty things. A popular hit is for a product known as the Fleshlight. People looking to buy, people looking for reviews. This here, however, is a new one:
asshole spreader for sale
For fuck's sake, just don't buy a used one.
asshole spreader for sale
For fuck's sake, just don't buy a used one.
Spam of the minute:
I am no longer impotent in bed
Well, if you were only impotent in bed, why the fuck didn't you try having sex somewhere else? Seriously, was the "in bed" qualifier absolutely necessary? Yeah, 'cause with all the cock spam I get, I was going to think maybe it was a complaint about being impotent in some metaphorical sense.
I am no longer impotent in bed
Well, if you were only impotent in bed, why the fuck didn't you try having sex somewhere else? Seriously, was the "in bed" qualifier absolutely necessary? Yeah, 'cause with all the cock spam I get, I was going to think maybe it was a complaint about being impotent in some metaphorical sense.
And yet one more link... Surgical Strikes. That's a great 'blog name - and definitely the antithesis of what goes on here.
Monday, March 01, 2004
Looks like a new linker is lurking out there. IvY's site is definitely for the visually-impaired. If you weren't visually impaired before reading it, you will be after. Man, that text just jumps out at 'ya.
Yeah, 'cause that's how you want to treat people who are nice enough to link to you, asshole. I can't imagine why I can't find myself a girlfriend. I can't help it; everyone gets a little around here. Even the fat kid in the Babylon 5 t-shirt.
All teasing aside, thanks for the link. It's much appreciated. Seriously.
Yeah, 'cause that's how you want to treat people who are nice enough to link to you, asshole. I can't imagine why I can't find myself a girlfriend. I can't help it; everyone gets a little around here. Even the fat kid in the Babylon 5 t-shirt.
All teasing aside, thanks for the link. It's much appreciated. Seriously.
Big site announcement... And only two months late.
Hot on the heels of this new audblog bullshit, I have yet another thing to add to the site. I'm proud to announce the opening of the Fuck everything Store.
Yes, now you too can take a little piece of the site with you wherever you go. Just in case you start feeling good about something, this will give you a little reminder as to how hopeless things are.
A huge fucking thanks to Wynette, who set the store up for me. Yes, that's how sad and pathetic I am; I can't even set up my own store. Thanks are in order to John, who also played a crucial role in getting this store up and running. He no doubt is glowing with pride.
So yes, this is the "big site announcement" that I mentioned probably more than two months ago that never came to fruition. I honestly wanted to get it going, but wanted to tweak the images and whatnot. Well, I haven't gotten there yet, but I got tired of the guilt of having this thing set up, which was kindly done for me without even asking. I still plan on doing some tweaking, so if there's any product that doesn't quite look right (because of how the image appears), I'll be fixing that. Just give me a few months.
Until then, please go spend some money and help support my habits. Or don't.
Yes, now you too can take a little piece of the site with you wherever you go. Just in case you start feeling good about something, this will give you a little reminder as to how hopeless things are.
A huge fucking thanks to Wynette, who set the store up for me. Yes, that's how sad and pathetic I am; I can't even set up my own store. Thanks are in order to John, who also played a crucial role in getting this store up and running. He no doubt is glowing with pride.
So yes, this is the "big site announcement" that I mentioned probably more than two months ago that never came to fruition. I honestly wanted to get it going, but wanted to tweak the images and whatnot. Well, I haven't gotten there yet, but I got tired of the guilt of having this thing set up, which was kindly done for me without even asking. I still plan on doing some tweaking, so if there's any product that doesn't quite look right (because of how the image appears), I'll be fixing that. Just give me a few months.
Until then, please go spend some money and help support my habits. Or don't.
Let it never be said again that those of faith, especially those in Georgia, are stupid.
A couple of quick points:
A couple of quick points:
- Why is it Passion of THE Christ, as opposed to just Passion of Christ?
- Why is 666 the number of the beast, anyway?
- This reminds me that I need to start making my bumpersticker: 665: 99.8% God Free, .2% Godfat
Shitty.
If this is what it looks like, it's pretty sad. Whereas ETP and I bullshit about communicating with eachother solely in 'blog and comment form, we're not actually doing it.
Ooh, that reminds me of a couple of things I need to tell ETP before I forget:
If this is what it looks like, it's pretty sad. Whereas ETP and I bullshit about communicating with eachother solely in 'blog and comment form, we're not actually doing it.
Ooh, that reminds me of a couple of things I need to tell ETP before I forget:
- Carlin is at 9:45
- I think the company that makes those Afterburner kits has stopped making them, so I'll probably need a reminder sometime this weekend to fucking pick those up before they disappear for good
Another satisfied customer.
This is great, because we get to play one of my favorite games: Which Lying Cocksucker do You Believe? On one hand, we have Aristide. He says he was kidnapped as part of a U.S. driven coup. Regardless of how, the guy was just removed from power. He's bound to be pissed and looking to lash out against someone because of it. On the other hand, you have the U.S. government. Their reputation speaks for itself.
I have a question: What's in it for us? Why are we getting so involved in Haiti? Just as a fair warning, I'm going to be skeptical of any answer involving phrases like "humanitarian reasons" or "for the Haitian people."
This is great, because we get to play one of my favorite games: Which Lying Cocksucker do You Believe? On one hand, we have Aristide. He says he was kidnapped as part of a U.S. driven coup. Regardless of how, the guy was just removed from power. He's bound to be pissed and looking to lash out against someone because of it. On the other hand, you have the U.S. government. Their reputation speaks for itself.
I have a question: What's in it for us? Why are we getting so involved in Haiti? Just as a fair warning, I'm going to be skeptical of any answer involving phrases like "humanitarian reasons" or "for the Haitian people."
Apparently, there was a mini shitstorm over the American release of Negima, a manga from the creator of Love Hina. We'll see if this one manages to completely suck me in and ruin my life like LH did.
Sunday, February 29, 2004
While we're on the subject of fucking things, for the millionth year in a row, fuck the Academy Awards. Sorry, LOTR dork, but the trilogy in general, and RoTK in specific, was adequate. RoTK was not best picture. Considering how much they fucking spent on those goddamn movies, for their sake, they had better have won. So yeah, they bought their Oscar. Oh, and I am so totally surprised that Bill Murray didn't win. Look, I didn't see any of the other actors in any of those movies, so maybe Sean Penn deserved to win. But fuck that. Murray should have won not just on the strength of Lost in Translation, but on the strength of his entire fucking career. I know, it doesn't work that way, blah blah blah. The Oscars are such bullshit that it's not like it matters, anyway, so they should have just gone with my plan.
Eff them.
Eff them.
You know, I'm still getting hits for Inspector Gadget porn. KNOCK IT OFF.
Another thing I could deal without is all the fucking annoying penis spam. Shit along the lines of "unhappy with the size of your love muscle?" First of all, dickhead, it's not a fucking muscle. Second off, you know what? I am satisfied with the size of my penis. I know you may find that hard to believe, but I am. Its size pretty much has no impact on whether or not I can spank it, which is pretty much all it will ever be used for sex-wise.
Another thing I could deal without is all the fucking annoying penis spam. Shit along the lines of "unhappy with the size of your love muscle?" First of all, dickhead, it's not a fucking muscle. Second off, you know what? I am satisfied with the size of my penis. I know you may find that hard to believe, but I am. Its size pretty much has no impact on whether or not I can spank it, which is pretty much all it will ever be used for sex-wise.
I'm obviously not Japanese, and as such can't really say if it's racist or not, but this really does seem like overreacting to me. Yes, the movie does poke fun at the Japanese, but it's done in a very lighthearted manner. These people should be glad that the film didn't highlight things like the fact that Japan is the #1 producer of child porn, nor did it showcase things like photobooks of 9-year-old "idols" that you can even find on eBay.
And no, I am not looking for 9-year-olds. You do a search for "japanese idol" and these fucking things pop up along with the less creepy shit. Yes, I like to ogle teenagers just like every other dirty old man between the ages of 13 and 130, but 9 is waaaaaay too fucking young for me. I'm sure that will come as a HUGE comfort to everyone. Because we all know what a major threat I am to women of all ages, what with my crippling fear of interacting with other people and all.
Getting back to the article, though. "The film has no meaningful Japanese roles, nor is there any significant dialogue between the main characters and the Japanese." Well, I'm sorry, but there are no meaningful Japanese roles because the film isn't about the Japanese. Or anyone else besides the main characters, for that matter. And there's no significant dialogue because a good part of the characters' situation revolves around the fact that they're fucking incapable of having significant dialogue with their Japanese hosts!
I swear, some people are never satisfied with anything.
And no, I am not looking for 9-year-olds. You do a search for "japanese idol" and these fucking things pop up along with the less creepy shit. Yes, I like to ogle teenagers just like every other dirty old man between the ages of 13 and 130, but 9 is waaaaaay too fucking young for me. I'm sure that will come as a HUGE comfort to everyone. Because we all know what a major threat I am to women of all ages, what with my crippling fear of interacting with other people and all.
Getting back to the article, though. "The film has no meaningful Japanese roles, nor is there any significant dialogue between the main characters and the Japanese." Well, I'm sorry, but there are no meaningful Japanese roles because the film isn't about the Japanese. Or anyone else besides the main characters, for that matter. And there's no significant dialogue because a good part of the characters' situation revolves around the fact that they're fucking incapable of having significant dialogue with their Japanese hosts!
I swear, some people are never satisfied with anything.
I'm sure all four of my regular readers have noticed the marked decrease in posts over the past couple of weeks. Whereas I've been known to bang out 15 posts in a day sometimes, last week saw like 15 posts total. I'd apologize, but you know, I've gotta fucking work and stuff. I said for awhile that I was actually going to have to do work and stuff, and it finally came through. I'm sure no one believed me when I said that, which I find puzzling because it's not like I ever bullshit around here.
Okay, I know I somehow actually have more than four regulars here. Sitll, we're well on our way to being around that four mark with the recent dropoff in site traffic, which is undoubtedly partly due to the lack of posts. I'm sure that the occasional racial blast have nothing to do with this, nor is it related to the fact that this site just plain sucks.
So, how am I going to make up for this continued transgression? As is becoming customary, by diverting blood from the brain that criticizes to the brain that thanks with some fresh sailor schoolgirl pics. For some of you, at least. For everyone else, a treat is in order as well, and it's just what you wanted to hear: boring shit about my personal life.
Last week had a couple of standouts. First, there was probably the best call ever on JFR's show. Okay, best call I've heard so far. There's this guy, Jeff in Richmond, who's apparently a regular caller. I've only been listening consistently for a couple of months, and as such had not yet heard one of Jeff in Richmond's calls. This guy calls in, and spends four minutes bragging about how loaded he is, how much he loves his kids, how good looking he is, and how much he likes Dubya. Keep in mind that this is a show primarily about sports. At first, I was like, what the fuck is this asshole's problem? Other Rome show listeners were pissed, too. One guy, also a noob, e-mails: "I'm new to the show, and I've got to ask: what the hell was that." Jeff in Richmond's call got the "huge call" of the day. Then, since JFR's show plays twice on the station I listen to the show on, I heard the call yet again. It was about halfway through hearing the call the third time that I realized just how fucking brilliant Jeff in Richmond really is. The guy is so over the top, and so totally full of it that it's fucking hilarious. He just can't be taking himself seriously. Even still, he gets people flaming pissed. This guy knows how to push buttons, with highly amusing results. I wouldn't be surprised if Jeff in Richmond doesn't even like Dubya.
The other highlight, which is more significant than a phone call that I didn't even receive personally, was the fact that Chris Rock was in town doing standup. That was a fucking quality show. There was a little too much pandering in there, but don't let that fuck 'ya up. I was dying during some parts. It's great that we got to see him, too, since he hasn't toured in five years, so who knows when he'll do it again. Keep an eye out for his upcoming H2O HBO special.
Saturday was shopping day. One place I hit was K.B. Toys. That's K.B.; B as in bankrupt. The K.B. is strapped for cash, and they're shutting down tons of stores, including several local ones. And I say good, fuck 'em. It's also extra amusing because one of the stores close to me is closing for the second fucking time. You see, this store opened up in the mall at one point, and after seemingly no time, it closed down. I mean completely shut down. The whole store was completely empty for quite some time. Then, for some odd reason, they reopened the store in the exact same spot in the mall. Now, it's closing yet again. It's almost like the JAG of toy stores.
I realized that this was the first major closing of a toy store in my area since Toys 'R' Sucks put the venerated Lionel Playworld and Children's Palace out of business many years ago. I sat there in K.B. today, amidst the piles of nothing but crap, realizing that I was not mourning the loss of K.B. Furthermore, I never really mourned the passing of LP and CP when they were closing down since I was too young to really mourn anything, but have been doing it ever since. Not only were those great toy stores, but they were always packed with great toys. We don't have either of those things anymore. This makes me sad. You never really realize how good you've got it until it's far, far behind you. It's also a sad referendum on my life that probably my biggest fantasy - besides finding a girlfriend who will occasionally dress up in a sailor uniform for me - is to build a time machine and go back to the 1980s with about a million in cash printed in the 80s and clean those fucking stores out.
In addition to the aforementioned pickup of Lost in Translation, there were a handful of other things acquired. Hands down the best pickup was a veritable boatload of Megami backissues. A few of you may remember my struggle to collect issues of this magazine; even fewer of you care. Still, this was a fucking coup, and I don't care if that's inappropriate in light of the shit going down in Haiti. I've realized that Megami is not the sole reason we invented print media as I once did, but it's still like one of the top three. Any day where I can pick up eight issues that I didn't already have is like fucking Christmas... In, er, February.
Yes, I know, I'm a spoiled little shit.
Okay, I know I somehow actually have more than four regulars here. Sitll, we're well on our way to being around that four mark with the recent dropoff in site traffic, which is undoubtedly partly due to the lack of posts. I'm sure that the occasional racial blast have nothing to do with this, nor is it related to the fact that this site just plain sucks.
So, how am I going to make up for this continued transgression? As is becoming customary, by diverting blood from the brain that criticizes to the brain that thanks with some fresh sailor schoolgirl pics. For some of you, at least. For everyone else, a treat is in order as well, and it's just what you wanted to hear: boring shit about my personal life.
Last week had a couple of standouts. First, there was probably the best call ever on JFR's show. Okay, best call I've heard so far. There's this guy, Jeff in Richmond, who's apparently a regular caller. I've only been listening consistently for a couple of months, and as such had not yet heard one of Jeff in Richmond's calls. This guy calls in, and spends four minutes bragging about how loaded he is, how much he loves his kids, how good looking he is, and how much he likes Dubya. Keep in mind that this is a show primarily about sports. At first, I was like, what the fuck is this asshole's problem? Other Rome show listeners were pissed, too. One guy, also a noob, e-mails: "I'm new to the show, and I've got to ask: what the hell was that." Jeff in Richmond's call got the "huge call" of the day. Then, since JFR's show plays twice on the station I listen to the show on, I heard the call yet again. It was about halfway through hearing the call the third time that I realized just how fucking brilliant Jeff in Richmond really is. The guy is so over the top, and so totally full of it that it's fucking hilarious. He just can't be taking himself seriously. Even still, he gets people flaming pissed. This guy knows how to push buttons, with highly amusing results. I wouldn't be surprised if Jeff in Richmond doesn't even like Dubya.
The other highlight, which is more significant than a phone call that I didn't even receive personally, was the fact that Chris Rock was in town doing standup. That was a fucking quality show. There was a little too much pandering in there, but don't let that fuck 'ya up. I was dying during some parts. It's great that we got to see him, too, since he hasn't toured in five years, so who knows when he'll do it again. Keep an eye out for his upcoming H2O HBO special.
Saturday was shopping day. One place I hit was K.B. Toys. That's K.B.; B as in bankrupt. The K.B. is strapped for cash, and they're shutting down tons of stores, including several local ones. And I say good, fuck 'em. It's also extra amusing because one of the stores close to me is closing for the second fucking time. You see, this store opened up in the mall at one point, and after seemingly no time, it closed down. I mean completely shut down. The whole store was completely empty for quite some time. Then, for some odd reason, they reopened the store in the exact same spot in the mall. Now, it's closing yet again. It's almost like the JAG of toy stores.
I realized that this was the first major closing of a toy store in my area since Toys 'R' Sucks put the venerated Lionel Playworld and Children's Palace out of business many years ago. I sat there in K.B. today, amidst the piles of nothing but crap, realizing that I was not mourning the loss of K.B. Furthermore, I never really mourned the passing of LP and CP when they were closing down since I was too young to really mourn anything, but have been doing it ever since. Not only were those great toy stores, but they were always packed with great toys. We don't have either of those things anymore. This makes me sad. You never really realize how good you've got it until it's far, far behind you. It's also a sad referendum on my life that probably my biggest fantasy - besides finding a girlfriend who will occasionally dress up in a sailor uniform for me - is to build a time machine and go back to the 1980s with about a million in cash printed in the 80s and clean those fucking stores out.
In addition to the aforementioned pickup of Lost in Translation, there were a handful of other things acquired. Hands down the best pickup was a veritable boatload of Megami backissues. A few of you may remember my struggle to collect issues of this magazine; even fewer of you care. Still, this was a fucking coup, and I don't care if that's inappropriate in light of the shit going down in Haiti. I've realized that Megami is not the sole reason we invented print media as I once did, but it's still like one of the top three. Any day where I can pick up eight issues that I didn't already have is like fucking Christmas... In, er, February.
Yes, I know, I'm a spoiled little shit.
Roger Ebert should lay off the fatty foods
I just got done watching Lost in Translation. I'd been wanting to see this movie for awhile, and was pretty sure that I was going to like it. As such, I pulled a Suicide Kings and just bought the fucking thing without having seen it. That turned out to be the right call. Which is more than I can say for the decision to blow that guy in the Best Buy parking lot to avoid paying for said DVD.
I'm pretty sure that I'm not going to spoil anything in the movie. I can't say for sure, since I haven't written the review yet. Look, if you're all that worried, just see the fucking film already. How long ago was it in theaters? Why haven't you seen it already? Sheesh. Hey, I would have seen it myself, but you know what a burgeoning social schedule I have. Shit, I can't get these bitches up off me for three seconds, so never mind getting away long enough to watch a whole fucking movie. I tell 'ya.
In case if you're more socially isolated than me and don't know what the fuck the movie is about, here's a quick rundown. Lost in Translation stars Bill Murray as Bob Harris, an actor who finds himself in Tokyo doing whiskey commercials, and Scarlett Johansson as Charlotte, also in Tokyo along with her husband who's doing some photography work. Bob and Charlotte are both markedly unimpressed to be in Tokyo until they meet and have madcap adventures searching for treasure. Okay, not really. Well, yeah, they meet of course, and stuff happens. Hey, I'm at least trying to not ruin anything.
I'm not really sure how the movie has been promoted, but there's a quote from some critic on the DVD cover who proclaims that the movie is "Flat out hilarious!" I don't know if this is the best quote to be using on the DVD cover, because it just doesn't quite put you in the right frame of mind. There is some great comedy in this movie for sure, but it also has a definite serious side to it, which led to a nice mix.
Shot entirely on location in Japan, it was fun (for me at least) to actually be able to catch all sorts of little elements of Japanese pop culture. Naturally, I'm not all expert and shit, but it was fun to see some things I recognize, in addition to plenty that I didn't. And yes, I was of course on schoolgirl watch. While it wasn't an out-and-out schoolgirl fest, there were definitely some uniforms seen in the movie, and even some loose socks action.
The use of language in the movie was interesting. There's a decent amount of Japanese spoken, and it's not subtitled in English at all. My presumption is that this was done on purpose so that the audience would be as lost and confused as the characters in the film. Look, I know that's probably a pretty obvious thing, but I fucking suck ass at literary and film analysis, and as such am proud of myself when I can actually figure something out. I'm sure Galvin sometimes sees this kind of pride when one of his retarded kids writes their name correctly or fails to drool on themselves for something.
Also, it was very amusing to hear the stupid gai-jin horribly mispronouncing words in Japanese. I know very little of the language, save for a few words here and there and that as a whole it's completely fucked up, but I do know enough to recognize when someone's pronunciation is totally off. Which happens any time a white person tries to speak Japanese.
The opening shot of this movie was fucking brilliant. I won't describe the opening to you, but just let me tell you that that is how you start a goddamn movie.
I also loved a lot of the music choices that were made, especially in the opening and closing scenes. Er, I guess not the very opening scene vaguely described above, but the sequence just after it.
The there's the actors themselves. Bill Murray. What do I really need to say? This guy is so fucking good that it's not even funny. Scarlett Johansson is a little stiff at times, but puts in a good performance. And man oh man is she hot. She doesn't quite have a freshly scrubbed prettiness, but she does start off "pretty hot" and become even hotter as time passes. Oh, and to whoever's idea it was to show numerous shots of those nice legs and feet of hers: great idea.
The whole movie was pretty good, but it didn't really make its full impact until the very last scene. The last scene gives you a sense of closure and satisfaction, while at the same time leaving you with feelings of loss and frustration. Okay, I guess I shouldn't be saying "gives you" as opposed to "gave me." I'm the last person who should be telling anyone how they feel, but you know, some people need that kind of thing.
Anyway, it's because of this closing scene that I'm going to have a tough time watching this movie again. That's not to the detriment of this film; it's the last scene that kicked the movie up a notch from "good" to "yeah, pretty fucking good." Again, for me at least.
Okay, so let's do the list:
Saving the best/worst for last: +1
Schoolgirls: +1, +1 modifier for loose socks
Music: +1
Letting this pretentious fuck feel special for picking up pop-culture references: +1
Some gorgeous scenery shots: +1
A couple of awkward moments: -1
Bill Murray: +1
Legs and feet that were actually nice to look at (take note, Quentin): +1
Going somewhat Empire and "keeping it real": +1
So, how do does LIT stack up against Kill Bill? Well, shit, looks like we got a tally of eight there, too. Fuck it, they were both good enough for me to give them a balls-out review like this, which I rarely ever do, so we can just stop fretting now. If you need to have some kind of winner, just pick for yourself. I'm tired of doing all the goddamn work around here. This was a good movie, and since I've seen it, it gets my Oscar vote. It probably has no chance of winning, though, since as I said, it's a good film. Oh, and Bill Murray had better fucking win for best actor. I mean it, you Oscar fucks.
I'm pretty sure that I'm not going to spoil anything in the movie. I can't say for sure, since I haven't written the review yet. Look, if you're all that worried, just see the fucking film already. How long ago was it in theaters? Why haven't you seen it already? Sheesh. Hey, I would have seen it myself, but you know what a burgeoning social schedule I have. Shit, I can't get these bitches up off me for three seconds, so never mind getting away long enough to watch a whole fucking movie. I tell 'ya.
In case if you're more socially isolated than me and don't know what the fuck the movie is about, here's a quick rundown. Lost in Translation stars Bill Murray as Bob Harris, an actor who finds himself in Tokyo doing whiskey commercials, and Scarlett Johansson as Charlotte, also in Tokyo along with her husband who's doing some photography work. Bob and Charlotte are both markedly unimpressed to be in Tokyo until they meet and have madcap adventures searching for treasure. Okay, not really. Well, yeah, they meet of course, and stuff happens. Hey, I'm at least trying to not ruin anything.
I'm not really sure how the movie has been promoted, but there's a quote from some critic on the DVD cover who proclaims that the movie is "Flat out hilarious!" I don't know if this is the best quote to be using on the DVD cover, because it just doesn't quite put you in the right frame of mind. There is some great comedy in this movie for sure, but it also has a definite serious side to it, which led to a nice mix.
Shot entirely on location in Japan, it was fun (for me at least) to actually be able to catch all sorts of little elements of Japanese pop culture. Naturally, I'm not all expert and shit, but it was fun to see some things I recognize, in addition to plenty that I didn't. And yes, I was of course on schoolgirl watch. While it wasn't an out-and-out schoolgirl fest, there were definitely some uniforms seen in the movie, and even some loose socks action.
The use of language in the movie was interesting. There's a decent amount of Japanese spoken, and it's not subtitled in English at all. My presumption is that this was done on purpose so that the audience would be as lost and confused as the characters in the film. Look, I know that's probably a pretty obvious thing, but I fucking suck ass at literary and film analysis, and as such am proud of myself when I can actually figure something out. I'm sure Galvin sometimes sees this kind of pride when one of his retarded kids writes their name correctly or fails to drool on themselves for something.
Also, it was very amusing to hear the stupid gai-jin horribly mispronouncing words in Japanese. I know very little of the language, save for a few words here and there and that as a whole it's completely fucked up, but I do know enough to recognize when someone's pronunciation is totally off. Which happens any time a white person tries to speak Japanese.
The opening shot of this movie was fucking brilliant. I won't describe the opening to you, but just let me tell you that that is how you start a goddamn movie.
I also loved a lot of the music choices that were made, especially in the opening and closing scenes. Er, I guess not the very opening scene vaguely described above, but the sequence just after it.
The there's the actors themselves. Bill Murray. What do I really need to say? This guy is so fucking good that it's not even funny. Scarlett Johansson is a little stiff at times, but puts in a good performance. And man oh man is she hot. She doesn't quite have a freshly scrubbed prettiness, but she does start off "pretty hot" and become even hotter as time passes. Oh, and to whoever's idea it was to show numerous shots of those nice legs and feet of hers: great idea.
The whole movie was pretty good, but it didn't really make its full impact until the very last scene. The last scene gives you a sense of closure and satisfaction, while at the same time leaving you with feelings of loss and frustration. Okay, I guess I shouldn't be saying "gives you" as opposed to "gave me." I'm the last person who should be telling anyone how they feel, but you know, some people need that kind of thing.
Anyway, it's because of this closing scene that I'm going to have a tough time watching this movie again. That's not to the detriment of this film; it's the last scene that kicked the movie up a notch from "good" to "yeah, pretty fucking good." Again, for me at least.
Okay, so let's do the list:
Saving the best/worst for last: +1
Schoolgirls: +1, +1 modifier for loose socks
Music: +1
Letting this pretentious fuck feel special for picking up pop-culture references: +1
Some gorgeous scenery shots: +1
A couple of awkward moments: -1
Bill Murray: +1
Legs and feet that were actually nice to look at (take note, Quentin): +1
Going somewhat Empire and "keeping it real": +1
So, how do does LIT stack up against Kill Bill? Well, shit, looks like we got a tally of eight there, too. Fuck it, they were both good enough for me to give them a balls-out review like this, which I rarely ever do, so we can just stop fretting now. If you need to have some kind of winner, just pick for yourself. I'm tired of doing all the goddamn work around here. This was a good movie, and since I've seen it, it gets my Oscar vote. It probably has no chance of winning, though, since as I said, it's a good film. Oh, and Bill Murray had better fucking win for best actor. I mean it, you Oscar fucks.
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