Google search:
Different ways for men to mastubate
Okay, I'm tired of getting hits like this one, so I'm going to do something about it in hopes that Google will start pointing people to this post. This won't stop the hits, but at least it might prove useful to someone. If you can't figure out how to beat off, or you have run out of new things to try, check out this site (find the "techniques" link once you get to the main page) or this site. If you're wondering why I happen to have links, uh, handy that are related to jerking off, you must be new here.
Here's one technique that many find amusing: get your hand to fall asleep and then beat off so that it feels like someone else is doing it. No, I've never tried that one, mainly since I can never get my hand to fall asleep on purpose.
Thursday, July 21, 2005
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
Hey, so I just noticed that Blogger will let you upload images now. I don't know how long it's been since that has been an option; everytime I see shit about pictures on Blogger I figure it's either that Picasa nonsense or just something telling you how to link to images elsewhere on the web. And you know what?
Yeah, I pretty much just wanted to post that animated GIF. It was found on this amusing page which ETP alerted me to in comments after I posted a link to another page on that site. The rest of that guy's page also has a quite a bit of amusing shit on it.
Yeah, I pretty much just wanted to post that animated GIF. It was found on this amusing page which ETP alerted me to in comments after I posted a link to another page on that site. The rest of that guy's page also has a quite a bit of amusing shit on it.
So it looks like kindofcrap.com won't be making a return as I had once been led to believe. Word out on the street is that an untimely accident has permanently put an end to the dream of Galvin returning to our lives. I guess moving to Delaware wasn't such a hot idea after all.
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
No it isn't. Dorks are, by definition, dorks, which is not cool. Anyone convinced of this stupid bullshit is just lying to themselves like liberals/progressives and Trekkies/Trekkers. And for anyone who thinks they're clever by taking something and trying to turn it on its head by declaring it the opposite of what it is: STOP THAT.
Hey, I'm about as big of a dork as they come. I went out shopping for a house last year with one of my goals being to get a room specifically for The Girls who, for the uninitiated, are a collection of female anime figures. I see no problem with being a dork, but of course I would -- I'm a dork. There's no real shame in it, just the shame that others try and force on you. But just accept it -- don't bullshit yourself about it.
"We used to not be able to stand the fact that we were in orchestra..."
So if you don't like it, get out of it. And if you do like it, fuck what everyone else says. I know, easier said than done. It's not easy dealing with the pressure of stupid fuck-offs. But you do what you gotta do.
"The O.C.," a TV show popular with teens, has Seth, a comic-book loving nerd played by actor Adam Brody. Bands such as Weezer also feed off the dork image, complete with horn-rimmed glasses and a song about being OK with not fitting the Beverly Hills mold. "Napoleon Dynamite" has a fan club; its Web site claims 150,000 members.
Oh boy. One character on a shitty show (which I've never seen), one decent band (at least at one point), and one shitty movie (which I've also never seen), and suddenly, the tide is turning! Woo hoo! Or it's all just meaningless pop culture bullshit that's been fed to us.
"Now all the people from high school are asking me if I have a job for them. So I guess it wasn't so bad to be a dork."
Well, the dork part is never good in and of itself just for the shit you get because of it, but the fact that a lot of dorks grow up to make good lives for themselves while all those assholes who made fun of them serve them their food.
"It's like (the movie) 'American Pie' with the band geek girl."
Yeah, no. Geek girls are not Alyson Hannigan. And yes, I know that I'm being the shallow asshole now, but you pretty much don't want to go near most geek girls. Just like you don't want to go anywhere near a lot of geek guys. And should a girl with legitimate credentials show up, well...
But Uyen Mai says she knows how to spot a true geek, dork or nerd -- and she likes what she sees.
...
To prove her point, Mai has an "I (Heart) Dorks" tank top, which she wears often.
Wait for it...
"My husband ..."
And there you have it. Trust me, I've seen waaaay too fucking much of this. Any girl -- attractive or not -- who shows up will get mobbed by all the desperate guys who have low expectations and lowered standards. And if she is attractive, forget about it.
Hey, I'm about as big of a dork as they come. I went out shopping for a house last year with one of my goals being to get a room specifically for The Girls who, for the uninitiated, are a collection of female anime figures. I see no problem with being a dork, but of course I would -- I'm a dork. There's no real shame in it, just the shame that others try and force on you. But just accept it -- don't bullshit yourself about it.
"We used to not be able to stand the fact that we were in orchestra..."
So if you don't like it, get out of it. And if you do like it, fuck what everyone else says. I know, easier said than done. It's not easy dealing with the pressure of stupid fuck-offs. But you do what you gotta do.
"The O.C.," a TV show popular with teens, has Seth, a comic-book loving nerd played by actor Adam Brody. Bands such as Weezer also feed off the dork image, complete with horn-rimmed glasses and a song about being OK with not fitting the Beverly Hills mold. "Napoleon Dynamite" has a fan club; its Web site claims 150,000 members.
Oh boy. One character on a shitty show (which I've never seen), one decent band (at least at one point), and one shitty movie (which I've also never seen), and suddenly, the tide is turning! Woo hoo! Or it's all just meaningless pop culture bullshit that's been fed to us.
"Now all the people from high school are asking me if I have a job for them. So I guess it wasn't so bad to be a dork."
Well, the dork part is never good in and of itself just for the shit you get because of it, but the fact that a lot of dorks grow up to make good lives for themselves while all those assholes who made fun of them serve them their food.
"It's like (the movie) 'American Pie' with the band geek girl."
Yeah, no. Geek girls are not Alyson Hannigan. And yes, I know that I'm being the shallow asshole now, but you pretty much don't want to go near most geek girls. Just like you don't want to go anywhere near a lot of geek guys. And should a girl with legitimate credentials show up, well...
But Uyen Mai says she knows how to spot a true geek, dork or nerd -- and she likes what she sees.
...
To prove her point, Mai has an "I (Heart) Dorks" tank top, which she wears often.
Wait for it...
"My husband ..."
And there you have it. Trust me, I've seen waaaay too fucking much of this. Any girl -- attractive or not -- who shows up will get mobbed by all the desperate guys who have low expectations and lowered standards. And if she is attractive, forget about it.
Liberals: quit thanking the troops for their service. If I hear one more liberal talking to a veteran or someone currently serving and says to them "I thank you for your service," I'm going to throw up. It's pandering. Period. Yes, it is possible for things to not be black and white and for someone to support the troops but not the war, but let's face facts. Those of us on the left -- and this includes myself -- in one way or another like seeing the body count go up in Iraq. What's bad for Bush is good for us. Admit it, fuckers. I will (finally, even though it does nothing). This of course doesn't apply to Ted Rall, who unless if he's recently changed tack has always been willing to say "Fuck the troops -- they're just doing Bush's dirty work."
More and more, I can't stand listening to either the left or the right. While this can appropriately be labeled as flip-flopping in many cases, I don't give a shit. It's still consistent with my long-established position of hating everyone, and more in line with the mantra of "fuck everything." The Karl Rove/Valerie Plame flap is further opening this wound. I realized this morning that liberals, ERRRR, progressives think that it's already an open-and-shut case that Karl Rove was the source of Plame's name or identity because Matt Cooper said that he told him as much. And it's like, slow down. Wasn't the whole issue how Bob Novak found out about it so that he could then report it in his column, thus balbbering it to the whole world? Democrats like Teddy Drunk accuse the administration of moving the goal posts -- and they certainly are; that's one of the things they're best at -- but Democrats are guilty of it, too.
Right now, the story is supposedly that Novak told Rove, not the other way around. Of course, this is just leaked grand jury testimony that may be inaccurate, and even if it's true Novak could be lying (pretty risky lying to a grand jury, but it might seem easier with a promise of "we'll protect you"). So I'm sorry, liberals, but you haven't won yet. Even if he didn't tell Rove but he did tell Cooper, that's still not good on Karl's behalf (especially if Rove told Cooper before Novak supposedly told him, but I don't have all of the timing down at this point). That makes Rove guilty of passing along information even if he wasn't the originator. Even so, the distinction between Rove leaking and Rove passing on gives them enough to muddy the waters to say that no wrong-doing has taken place, so don't celebrate yet, lefties.
On a mostly unrelated note, I realized something a few minutes ago. You know this whole nonsense with liberals calling themselves "progressives"? It's just like Trekkies when they started calling themselves "Trekkers." "Oh, ahhhh, people think that Trekkie means that you're a dork and a loser, so, uhhhh, we're going to call ourselves Trekkers. Yeah! That'll fix everything!" Self-labeling to try and de-stigmatize the label that everyone else gives you does not automatically make you cool and acceptable -- people still know what you are, and they will like you or hate you or not care based on that. Man, I wish I'd thought of this last summer so that I could have referred to the DNC as one big Star Trek convention.
More and more, I can't stand listening to either the left or the right. While this can appropriately be labeled as flip-flopping in many cases, I don't give a shit. It's still consistent with my long-established position of hating everyone, and more in line with the mantra of "fuck everything." The Karl Rove/Valerie Plame flap is further opening this wound. I realized this morning that liberals, ERRRR, progressives think that it's already an open-and-shut case that Karl Rove was the source of Plame's name or identity because Matt Cooper said that he told him as much. And it's like, slow down. Wasn't the whole issue how Bob Novak found out about it so that he could then report it in his column, thus balbbering it to the whole world? Democrats like Teddy Drunk accuse the administration of moving the goal posts -- and they certainly are; that's one of the things they're best at -- but Democrats are guilty of it, too.
Right now, the story is supposedly that Novak told Rove, not the other way around. Of course, this is just leaked grand jury testimony that may be inaccurate, and even if it's true Novak could be lying (pretty risky lying to a grand jury, but it might seem easier with a promise of "we'll protect you"). So I'm sorry, liberals, but you haven't won yet. Even if he didn't tell Rove but he did tell Cooper, that's still not good on Karl's behalf (especially if Rove told Cooper before Novak supposedly told him, but I don't have all of the timing down at this point). That makes Rove guilty of passing along information even if he wasn't the originator. Even so, the distinction between Rove leaking and Rove passing on gives them enough to muddy the waters to say that no wrong-doing has taken place, so don't celebrate yet, lefties.
On a mostly unrelated note, I realized something a few minutes ago. You know this whole nonsense with liberals calling themselves "progressives"? It's just like Trekkies when they started calling themselves "Trekkers." "Oh, ahhhh, people think that Trekkie means that you're a dork and a loser, so, uhhhh, we're going to call ourselves Trekkers. Yeah! That'll fix everything!" Self-labeling to try and de-stigmatize the label that everyone else gives you does not automatically make you cool and acceptable -- people still know what you are, and they will like you or hate you or not care based on that. Man, I wish I'd thought of this last summer so that I could have referred to the DNC as one big Star Trek convention.
How long has this been going on for now? Jesus, sometimes I wonder why we even bother putting on the charade that we live in a society run by law-abiding, honorable people. We've known since day one that if Karl Rove was responsible, that not a fucking thing would happen to him. Yeah, Bush is going to fire the guy who made his dumb ass president. The same goes for anyone else on Team Bush. The best anyone can hope for -- assuming that the leak came from inside the administration -- is for the person responsible to be found guilty the day Bush leaves office, only to be pardoned by the outgoing president.
I love how at this point, the only ones suffering are part of the so-called "liberal media." Regardless of who was responsible for the leak, this is turning into one big excuse to take a huge dump on the media. TB is good at this -- like with that whole 60 Minutes flap that went from being bad for Bush to bad for the media. I'm not saying that anyone is carefully orchestrating this, but it's not like anyone would be surprised if it was. And if that's the case, they're showing what truly evil fucks they are. Who's one of the people in trouble over this? Judith Miller from The New York Times. She was one of the ones who went along with the whole WMD bullshit in the lead-up to the Iraq war. It's like they're saying, hey, check out what we do with people who will agree with us -- the rest of you assholes can watch the fuck out because we'll find some way to ruin you. I know I'm stretching it pretty thin with the conspiracy theories here, but it's just a thought.
Right now, I'm just looking to be entertained since it's all bullshit anyway. I want to see it come out that Karl Rove was the one who leaked her name and that he did it intentionally for the sake of retaliation, just so that we can watch how the fucking genius gets himself out of it.
I love how at this point, the only ones suffering are part of the so-called "liberal media." Regardless of who was responsible for the leak, this is turning into one big excuse to take a huge dump on the media. TB is good at this -- like with that whole 60 Minutes flap that went from being bad for Bush to bad for the media. I'm not saying that anyone is carefully orchestrating this, but it's not like anyone would be surprised if it was. And if that's the case, they're showing what truly evil fucks they are. Who's one of the people in trouble over this? Judith Miller from The New York Times. She was one of the ones who went along with the whole WMD bullshit in the lead-up to the Iraq war. It's like they're saying, hey, check out what we do with people who will agree with us -- the rest of you assholes can watch the fuck out because we'll find some way to ruin you. I know I'm stretching it pretty thin with the conspiracy theories here, but it's just a thought.
Right now, I'm just looking to be entertained since it's all bullshit anyway. I want to see it come out that Karl Rove was the one who leaked her name and that he did it intentionally for the sake of retaliation, just so that we can watch how the fucking genius gets himself out of it.
Sunday, July 17, 2005
You know what people are fucking boring? Submissives. It seems really great in theory -- "Wait, I'm supposed to order you around, and you'll do anything I want you to, and you get off on that?" Yeah, it's great until you realize: you get stuck doing all the work. I mean in terms of coming up with shit to do; you have to do all of it. Look, I don't mind doing my share, but let's have some balance. Maybe dom/sub relationships are different (i.e., better) in real life, but on IRC, they suck. You catch me in the right mood, and I'm like, do this, this, and that, yank yank, squirt squirt. But usually it's like, you know what? Forget it.
Speaking of IRC, you should check out this post of ETP's. What does that have to do with IRC? Well, some people call it a really filthy joke, and some people just call it your average night in chatrooms.
Speaking of IRC, you should check out this post of ETP's. What does that have to do with IRC? Well, some people call it a really filthy joke, and some people just call it your average night in chatrooms.
Saturday, July 16, 2005
March of the dumbfucks, Pt. 2
Okay, so there was one more part about "Only" that I completely forgot to rip on. I know it's pretty fucking weak that I A) forgot and B) still felt the need to get this out here, but fuck it (I said "butt fuck"). If Trent -- the real Trent -- could release "March of the Pigs" as a two-part single then I think I can get away with this. Just think of it as Halo 2 in my series of reviews as to why Trent Reznor eats balls now.
Here's the verse in question:
There is no you
There is only me
There is no you
There is only me
There is no FUCKING you
There is only me
There is no FUCKING you
There is only me
I know, it's poignant. What really stands out, though, is when Trent starts screaming the word "fucking." There is absolutely no life in it. It's like he put that in there just out of obligation. "You know, I haven't screamed fuck yet. I should do that." It's so completely empty -- even emptier than it used to be. And you know what? Trent isn't even getting any enjoyment out of using the F word.
I just made this post up, to hurt myself.
Here's the verse in question:
There is no you
There is only me
There is no you
There is only me
There is no FUCKING you
There is only me
There is no FUCKING you
There is only me
I know, it's poignant. What really stands out, though, is when Trent starts screaming the word "fucking." There is absolutely no life in it. It's like he put that in there just out of obligation. "You know, I haven't screamed fuck yet. I should do that." It's so completely empty -- even emptier than it used to be. And you know what? Trent isn't even getting any enjoyment out of using the F word.
I just made this post up, to hurt myself.
Speaking of dangers to kids, we definitely don't want to get them into any kind of dangerous behaviors like reading. Okay, the fact that it gets kids reading aside, this Harry Potter shit has got to stop. Anyone, anywhere, getting too excited over anything -- be it football, Harry Potter, some shitty band, Star Trek (shit, especially Star Trek), whatever -- needs to be stopped. I've had it with this. You really need to go out late at night in a stupid costume to pick up a book that will still be available in the morning? Look, I can even get on board with staying up late to spend money, but the other nonsense is right out.
So I've heard the movies are decent. I've heard from other people who aren't five that the books are an entertaining read. I might see the movies some day if I get around to it, but I don't think I'm going to be reading the books anytime soon. And no matter what, if I find myself dressing in some stupid costume over Harry Potter, it's all over.
... said Katrine Skovgaard, 18...
And no, I'm still not interested.
Rowling is now the richest woman in Britain, with a fortune estimated by Forbes magazine at $1 billion.
Yes, and rumor has it that she's started noticing boys, too.
"I am always disappointed when publishers sell books directly to the consumer, bypassing their retail partners," said Mitchell Kaplan, president of the American Booksellers Association. "Selling it at a discount makes it more frustrating."
Fuck you, asshole. God forbid things should actually work out in favor of the consumer every once in awhile, you greedy prick. Why don't you just come out and say "I hate it when we lose money."
Amazon reported that advance orders of the "adult" edition, which bears a more muted cover than the children's version...
This threw me for a second. Nevermind the fact that there's an adult version of a children's book -- the fact that the adult version is the more muted one didn't make sense to me until I thought about it.
Amazon.co.uk has a secure 200,000-square-foot warehouse to pack the books.
See, this is fucking ridiculous. They're goddamn books -- for children, no less -- not launch codes or spent fuel rods or strains of some super-virus that will turn your vital organs into liquid shit.
Pope Benedict XVI told her in letters written in 2003, when he was Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger, that the books "deeply distort Christianity in the soul."
Hey, so is the goddamn pope dead yet? I can't wait for that guy to eat it.
So I've heard the movies are decent. I've heard from other people who aren't five that the books are an entertaining read. I might see the movies some day if I get around to it, but I don't think I'm going to be reading the books anytime soon. And no matter what, if I find myself dressing in some stupid costume over Harry Potter, it's all over.
... said Katrine Skovgaard, 18...
And no, I'm still not interested.
Rowling is now the richest woman in Britain, with a fortune estimated by Forbes magazine at $1 billion.
Yes, and rumor has it that she's started noticing boys, too.
"I am always disappointed when publishers sell books directly to the consumer, bypassing their retail partners," said Mitchell Kaplan, president of the American Booksellers Association. "Selling it at a discount makes it more frustrating."
Fuck you, asshole. God forbid things should actually work out in favor of the consumer every once in awhile, you greedy prick. Why don't you just come out and say "I hate it when we lose money."
Amazon reported that advance orders of the "adult" edition, which bears a more muted cover than the children's version...
This threw me for a second. Nevermind the fact that there's an adult version of a children's book -- the fact that the adult version is the more muted one didn't make sense to me until I thought about it.
Amazon.co.uk has a secure 200,000-square-foot warehouse to pack the books.
See, this is fucking ridiculous. They're goddamn books -- for children, no less -- not launch codes or spent fuel rods or strains of some super-virus that will turn your vital organs into liquid shit.
Pope Benedict XVI told her in letters written in 2003, when he was Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger, that the books "deeply distort Christianity in the soul."
Hey, so is the goddamn pope dead yet? I can't wait for that guy to eat it.
Friday, July 15, 2005
So I'm guessing that someone is over-compensating for the fact that he masturbates thinking of and/or looking at 9-year-old boys. This gem was, not surprisingly, in response to my post on that 11-year-old girl who pitched a perfect Little League game. I don't normally respond to comments in this manner, but one as insightful as this one deserves further study.
I think you are sick...
Thanks for nothing, asshole. If you'd have shown up way earlier, you could have saved me the trouble of finding a therapist.
... and just to let you know if you run a google search on pedo's you come up.
First off, I think you want to say "pedos," not "pedo's." Will you people learn to get fucking apostrophes correct? Yes, there are some cases that I even have trouble with, but this is not one of them. I can tell that Mr. Shae is not trying to imply ownership of anything, nor is he trying to form some kind of contraction.
I went and did a Google search for "pedos," "pedophile, "pedophiles," and even "pedophile blog." I didn't show up on the first several pages of any of those searches, so if you were to find me in any of those lists, you'd have to dig pretty fucking deep. Assuming that you actually did perform such a search, that also leads me to question: did you do this check after finding my page, or did you find my page as a result of doing one of these searches? If it was the latter, hmmmm, I wonder what kind of search you were doing that brought you here? I doubt it could be related to the kind of search that normally brings one here. And before you ask, this was unfortunately gone from my referral list before I got a chance to check it out. Damn you free Sitemeter!
... 11 year old girls are just girls...
No they're not. Sure, some of them are just girls, but some of them are girls who can pitch a perfect game. There's a difference.
... not something for you to jerk off too...
"To," not "too," fuckhole. God, if you're going to call my ass down, learn to use the proper words and punctuation, you dipshit. Now, to your point: who made you Grand Decisioner of What People Can and Cannot Jerk Off Too (sic)? Depending on your local laws, yes, there are bounds to where you can and cannot jerk off, and restrictions on what what witnesses you may have to the deed. But no matter how unsavory it might be, you can think about whatever you want when you wax your carrot. I don't see anyone giving you a hard time about those little boys you seem to enjoy so much. Well, except for me, but you started it.
... you faggot... go to hell and rot you peice of faggot shit
"I" before "e," dumbass. Using the word "faggot" not once but twice in reference to me seems to be implying that this guy thinks I'm a homosexual. But let's break this down. He's accusing me (me!) of masturbating to 11-year-old girls. Girls. I'm a guy. Allegedly masturbating over girls. I dunno, but that doesn't sound too faggoty to me. There are plenty of other things you could call it, but gay isn't one of them.
Thinking about it, though, maybe Shae is just a concerned guy. He's worried about sick fucks like me harming children. And let's face it, I am a danger. I rarely leave the house except for work where I am surrounded by men. When I do go out, I seek to avoid as much contact as I can with outsiders. I stand 5'3" and weigh somewhere in the neighborhood of 130 lbs. Basically, I'm a brick shithouse. Either that, or, quite a few kids are already as tall as me by the time they're 11. It should be pretty easy for me to overpower them, that's for sure. And it's not like it would be easy for them to simply kick or punch me in the nuts when I try and pull something, even if they're small. Oh, and then there's the fact that once I abduct them, I'll be driving off in my red fucking BMW, which surely, no one will notice.
But yeah, Shae could just be a concerned citizen. Maybe a dad to an 11-year-old himself. Well, with refined rhetoric such as his, I sure as hell hope he's not a parent. I'm gonna get him one of these Onion t-shirts just in case. And you know what? What kinda name is Shae, anyway? Sounds kinda fruity to me.
I think you are sick...
Thanks for nothing, asshole. If you'd have shown up way earlier, you could have saved me the trouble of finding a therapist.
... and just to let you know if you run a google search on pedo's you come up.
First off, I think you want to say "pedos," not "pedo's." Will you people learn to get fucking apostrophes correct? Yes, there are some cases that I even have trouble with, but this is not one of them. I can tell that Mr. Shae is not trying to imply ownership of anything, nor is he trying to form some kind of contraction.
I went and did a Google search for "pedos," "pedophile, "pedophiles," and even "pedophile blog." I didn't show up on the first several pages of any of those searches, so if you were to find me in any of those lists, you'd have to dig pretty fucking deep. Assuming that you actually did perform such a search, that also leads me to question: did you do this check after finding my page, or did you find my page as a result of doing one of these searches? If it was the latter, hmmmm, I wonder what kind of search you were doing that brought you here? I doubt it could be related to the kind of search that normally brings one here. And before you ask, this was unfortunately gone from my referral list before I got a chance to check it out. Damn you free Sitemeter!
... 11 year old girls are just girls...
No they're not. Sure, some of them are just girls, but some of them are girls who can pitch a perfect game. There's a difference.
... not something for you to jerk off too...
"To," not "too," fuckhole. God, if you're going to call my ass down, learn to use the proper words and punctuation, you dipshit. Now, to your point: who made you Grand Decisioner of What People Can and Cannot Jerk Off Too (sic)? Depending on your local laws, yes, there are bounds to where you can and cannot jerk off, and restrictions on what what witnesses you may have to the deed. But no matter how unsavory it might be, you can think about whatever you want when you wax your carrot. I don't see anyone giving you a hard time about those little boys you seem to enjoy so much. Well, except for me, but you started it.
... you faggot... go to hell and rot you peice of faggot shit
"I" before "e," dumbass. Using the word "faggot" not once but twice in reference to me seems to be implying that this guy thinks I'm a homosexual. But let's break this down. He's accusing me (me!) of masturbating to 11-year-old girls. Girls. I'm a guy. Allegedly masturbating over girls. I dunno, but that doesn't sound too faggoty to me. There are plenty of other things you could call it, but gay isn't one of them.
Thinking about it, though, maybe Shae is just a concerned guy. He's worried about sick fucks like me harming children. And let's face it, I am a danger. I rarely leave the house except for work where I am surrounded by men. When I do go out, I seek to avoid as much contact as I can with outsiders. I stand 5'3" and weigh somewhere in the neighborhood of 130 lbs. Basically, I'm a brick shithouse. Either that, or, quite a few kids are already as tall as me by the time they're 11. It should be pretty easy for me to overpower them, that's for sure. And it's not like it would be easy for them to simply kick or punch me in the nuts when I try and pull something, even if they're small. Oh, and then there's the fact that once I abduct them, I'll be driving off in my red fucking BMW, which surely, no one will notice.
But yeah, Shae could just be a concerned citizen. Maybe a dad to an 11-year-old himself. Well, with refined rhetoric such as his, I sure as hell hope he's not a parent. I'm gonna get him one of these Onion t-shirts just in case. And you know what? What kinda name is Shae, anyway? Sounds kinda fruity to me.
Thursday, July 14, 2005
I mean, here, let me give you an idea how jaded I am with these goddamn searches:
let me fuck your little horse
As I started reading this line, I first processed "let me fuck your little." Before I got to the end of the line, I was already thinking "I know how this one ends." I was pleasantly surprised to see "horse" at the end, however, in place of what I was expecting. That's where I'm at with my referral list now; horsefucking is a pick-me-up. Actually, if you think about it, this search is just plain funny.
let me fuck your little horse
As I started reading this line, I first processed "let me fuck your little." Before I got to the end of the line, I was already thinking "I know how this one ends." I was pleasantly surprised to see "horse" at the end, however, in place of what I was expecting. That's where I'm at with my referral list now; horsefucking is a pick-me-up. Actually, if you think about it, this search is just plain funny.
Google search:
Newsradio AND adequacivity
Thankfully, I get the occasional Google hit that makes me smile.
Newsradio AND adequacivity
Thankfully, I get the occasional Google hit that makes me smile.
March of the dumbfucks
While we're on the subject of shitty music, bullshit teenage angst, and things being better when you're angry, I need to talk about Nine Inch Nails. I'm sure it will come a no huge surprise that I was a big NIN fan back in high school. You know, when I was all pissed and depressed, but that was acceptable because that's what teenagers do. Trent Reznor's screaming fit in quite nicely with life at that age. Pretty Hate Machine is pretty much a blueprint for my relationship with my first girlfriend, and that should tell you a lot about me right there. I can't listen to the song "Something I can never have" because I will literally start crying. But this isn't about me; this is about Trent.
Now, Trent Reznor was never what we would call lyrically gifted. "I wanna fuck you like an ANIMAL!!!!" That's real deep, Trent. So yeah, NIN's lyrics were pretty shallow, but they served a purpose. Set against the backdrop of a bunch of noise that sounded pretty good, and it worked. It was what it was, especially for dumbass kids like I was. I'm still somewhat of a dumbass kid, of course, so the old stuff still sounds pretty good. Ignoring "Something I can never have," it doesn't quite resonate with me like it did, but that's life. We've all gotta grow up (more or less) sometime.
Now, when I say "old stuff," I'm talking "The Perfect Drug" and prior work. "Perfect Drug" wasn't even quite up to par -- a little too poppy, I felt -- but it still worked. The Fragile, on the other hand, sucked. I bought it out of some kind of ridiculous obsessive-compulsive obligation just because I had all the Halos up to that point, but I was so pissed at the album that I've never actually listened to the second disc of my copy.
I thought I remember hearing that prior to The Fragile, Trent got happy and shit. That clearly is not conducive to good music.
Enter With Teeth, which is more of the same that we got with the last album, in that it's fucking weak. The title alone is pure bullshit. As ETP put it, spooky language! I haven't listened to all of the album yet, and like with anything else, I'm going to act like I'm still on firm ground to criticize. Oh and I am, because all we need is Exhibit A: Track #8, "Only."
I like this track a lot. Not because I'm laughing with it, though, but because I'm laughing at it. The production work is kind of catchy. Not what one would expect from NIN, the NIN of old, that is. Trent really isn't singing on this track, he's kinda just talking throughout the whole thing. The song is done John McCrea style, and the world will never be complete unless if Cake does a cover of "Only." But let's continue with why "Only" really epitomizes how bad NIN sucks now. Here's a sample line:
Less concerned... About fitting into the world
Your world that is
Whoa-ho, step back! That has got to be the worst fucking lyric EVER. What kind of oh-woe-is-me, I'm-only-14 kind of mentality does it take to write that kind of schlock? I would be willing to bet that Trent stayed up all night thinking that one up, too. I know I said that Trent's lyrics were never exactly hard-hitting, but Jesus. Then there's this:
I just made you up to hurt myself
And it worked
Yes it did!
I just made you up to hurt myself? Way to go, Trent, you bullshit in-denial tough guy. I just made you up to hurt myself? What? And you know, I can't really drive home the significance of the "Yes it did!" line -- you need to listen to it yourself and hear Trent's delivery in order to understand the hilarity. More:
The tiniest little dot caught my eye and it turned out to be scab and I had this funny feeling
Like I just knew it was something bad
Trent, you played the "tiniest little dot" card back with "Down in it" when you still kicked ass instead of fucked ass, so leave it alone, will 'ya?
There was about an 80-year lull between The Downward Spiral and The Fragile. We kept lamenting, "When is Trent gonna release a new, full album?" All the singles and remixes and shit were great, but we wanted something totally new. Well, the wait wasn't worth it. It'd be better if I could convince myself that I just made The Fragile and With Teeth up to hurt myself, but I didn't. Maybe the problem is that I outgrew all that when I turned 16, or maybe the problem is that Trent Reznor isn't good anymore, and he hasn't been for a long time.
I started listening to some of the other tracks on With Teeth one day, but I was like, fuck it, I'll get to this later. I'm sure I'll be listening to the full album in all its shit-glory real soon, now.
In conclusion, if you think that Nine Inch Nails is still good, you're wrong. If you ever thought that NIN was really deep and poignant, you were always wrong.
Now, Trent Reznor was never what we would call lyrically gifted. "I wanna fuck you like an ANIMAL!!!!" That's real deep, Trent. So yeah, NIN's lyrics were pretty shallow, but they served a purpose. Set against the backdrop of a bunch of noise that sounded pretty good, and it worked. It was what it was, especially for dumbass kids like I was. I'm still somewhat of a dumbass kid, of course, so the old stuff still sounds pretty good. Ignoring "Something I can never have," it doesn't quite resonate with me like it did, but that's life. We've all gotta grow up (more or less) sometime.
Now, when I say "old stuff," I'm talking "The Perfect Drug" and prior work. "Perfect Drug" wasn't even quite up to par -- a little too poppy, I felt -- but it still worked. The Fragile, on the other hand, sucked. I bought it out of some kind of ridiculous obsessive-compulsive obligation just because I had all the Halos up to that point, but I was so pissed at the album that I've never actually listened to the second disc of my copy.
I thought I remember hearing that prior to The Fragile, Trent got happy and shit. That clearly is not conducive to good music.
Enter With Teeth, which is more of the same that we got with the last album, in that it's fucking weak. The title alone is pure bullshit. As ETP put it, spooky language! I haven't listened to all of the album yet, and like with anything else, I'm going to act like I'm still on firm ground to criticize. Oh and I am, because all we need is Exhibit A: Track #8, "Only."
I like this track a lot. Not because I'm laughing with it, though, but because I'm laughing at it. The production work is kind of catchy. Not what one would expect from NIN, the NIN of old, that is. Trent really isn't singing on this track, he's kinda just talking throughout the whole thing. The song is done John McCrea style, and the world will never be complete unless if Cake does a cover of "Only." But let's continue with why "Only" really epitomizes how bad NIN sucks now. Here's a sample line:
Less concerned... About fitting into the world
Your world that is
Whoa-ho, step back! That has got to be the worst fucking lyric EVER. What kind of oh-woe-is-me, I'm-only-14 kind of mentality does it take to write that kind of schlock? I would be willing to bet that Trent stayed up all night thinking that one up, too. I know I said that Trent's lyrics were never exactly hard-hitting, but Jesus. Then there's this:
I just made you up to hurt myself
And it worked
Yes it did!
I just made you up to hurt myself? Way to go, Trent, you bullshit in-denial tough guy. I just made you up to hurt myself? What? And you know, I can't really drive home the significance of the "Yes it did!" line -- you need to listen to it yourself and hear Trent's delivery in order to understand the hilarity. More:
The tiniest little dot caught my eye and it turned out to be scab and I had this funny feeling
Like I just knew it was something bad
Trent, you played the "tiniest little dot" card back with "Down in it" when you still kicked ass instead of fucked ass, so leave it alone, will 'ya?
There was about an 80-year lull between The Downward Spiral and The Fragile. We kept lamenting, "When is Trent gonna release a new, full album?" All the singles and remixes and shit were great, but we wanted something totally new. Well, the wait wasn't worth it. It'd be better if I could convince myself that I just made The Fragile and With Teeth up to hurt myself, but I didn't. Maybe the problem is that I outgrew all that when I turned 16, or maybe the problem is that Trent Reznor isn't good anymore, and he hasn't been for a long time.
I started listening to some of the other tracks on With Teeth one day, but I was like, fuck it, I'll get to this later. I'm sure I'll be listening to the full album in all its shit-glory real soon, now.
In conclusion, if you think that Nine Inch Nails is still good, you're wrong. If you ever thought that NIN was really deep and poignant, you were always wrong.
Hello, my name is: Fermat's Last Theorem
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Saturday, July 09, 2005
Google search:
kitties are total bullshit
What? This doesn't even quite make sense. Kitties are bullshit? You mean, like, you don't believe in them or something? Either way, if you can't get on board with kitties, there's something wrong with you.
kitties are total bullshit
What? This doesn't even quite make sense. Kitties are bullshit? You mean, like, you don't believe in them or something? Either way, if you can't get on board with kitties, there's something wrong with you.
So the awful saga of the bombings in London this week continues. Naturally, those in charge are meeting the challenge with more nonsense.
Meanwhile, British Prime Minister Tony Blair said it was crucial to address terrorism's underlying causes, which he listed as deprivation, lack of democracy and the ongoing Middle East conflict.
Yeah, Tony, those things certainly aren't helping to curtail terrorism. But you know, those aren't the only things that foster terrorism...
London Mayor Ken Livingstone said the attack was not related to Britain's participation in the U.S.-led invasion of Iraq. London, he said, is a symbol of the lifestyle terrorists despise, particularly its multicultural heritage.
Right. Once again, they hate us for our freedom, a completely nonsensical concept, but not for the shit we do to fuck with people around the world every day.
Now, I'm not saying that we're asking for it, but we're asking for it. Well, it's more the world leaders who are asking for it. Sure, we're all complicit in many ways since we live our comfortable lives and don't give a shit about anyone else, coupled with the fact that we elect the stupid leaders who cause all of this shit. But that's all pretty passive compared to "Hey, let's attack this place just because we want to."
While the leaders may be the ones who are really asking for it, the trouble is that they never have to worry about getting it, but that's the nature of war. Those responsible for starting them rarely ever have to suffer. Can we go back to they old school days where the leader (in those days, the king) was right there on the front lines? With the group of fucking cowards ruling the world today, if that were the standard, we'd see a lot less of this bullshit. That goes for parties on both sides, whether in a conventional war or a "war" on terror. Osama won't be strapping a bomb to himself any sooner than George Bush will actually fly a fighter jet into a war zone.
As they always do, The Onion put it best right after September 11th when, in talking about Bush and Osama, they had a headline that read "Privileged Children of Millionaires Square off on World Stage."
Meanwhile, British Prime Minister Tony Blair said it was crucial to address terrorism's underlying causes, which he listed as deprivation, lack of democracy and the ongoing Middle East conflict.
Yeah, Tony, those things certainly aren't helping to curtail terrorism. But you know, those aren't the only things that foster terrorism...
London Mayor Ken Livingstone said the attack was not related to Britain's participation in the U.S.-led invasion of Iraq. London, he said, is a symbol of the lifestyle terrorists despise, particularly its multicultural heritage.
Right. Once again, they hate us for our freedom, a completely nonsensical concept, but not for the shit we do to fuck with people around the world every day.
Now, I'm not saying that we're asking for it, but we're asking for it. Well, it's more the world leaders who are asking for it. Sure, we're all complicit in many ways since we live our comfortable lives and don't give a shit about anyone else, coupled with the fact that we elect the stupid leaders who cause all of this shit. But that's all pretty passive compared to "Hey, let's attack this place just because we want to."
While the leaders may be the ones who are really asking for it, the trouble is that they never have to worry about getting it, but that's the nature of war. Those responsible for starting them rarely ever have to suffer. Can we go back to they old school days where the leader (in those days, the king) was right there on the front lines? With the group of fucking cowards ruling the world today, if that were the standard, we'd see a lot less of this bullshit. That goes for parties on both sides, whether in a conventional war or a "war" on terror. Osama won't be strapping a bomb to himself any sooner than George Bush will actually fly a fighter jet into a war zone.
As they always do, The Onion put it best right after September 11th when, in talking about Bush and Osama, they had a headline that read "Privileged Children of Millionaires Square off on World Stage."
I fail to see where the "bad parenting" comes in with regards to this. Isn't Canada supposed to be better about stuff like that? Or am I just mixing them up with Europe when they're in fact as dumb as we are? I have it on authority that the age of consent there is 14 -- and I'm trying to refrain from the usual comments -- so that at least shows that they are a bit more liberal about things there. Oh, nevermind. It would help if I read the article thoroughly and saw that it happened here in the US of Stupid, not in Canada. Look, it's late, and I'm tired.
Pharris said after being arrested that she tried to do something special for her son.
See? That's a pretty nice gesture. This kid, and his friends, had to be thinking "best mom ever!" Okay, it's kinda creepy when mom is getting her kid a stripper, but it could be creepier. Like one time when I was watching one of those "America Undercover" specials on HBO, and a mom took her son to a whorehouse in Nevada so he could lose his virginity. That's creepy.
Anyway, enough creepiness:
"We even had grandpa there," she said.
See? Everyone fucking wins! I honestly don't see the crime here. Weird, yeah, but what more does a 16-year-old boy want more than to see some titties? They got the kid what he wanted; leave them alone.
Speaking of 14-year-olds and sex, Google search:
is it illegal to fuck a 14 year old
You may as well just turn yourself in if you're looking to Google for legal advice. If nothing else, you should at least be hitting ageofconsent.com if you must insist on asking questions of this nature. I honestly can't believe I've never linked that site before.
Pharris said after being arrested that she tried to do something special for her son.
See? That's a pretty nice gesture. This kid, and his friends, had to be thinking "best mom ever!" Okay, it's kinda creepy when mom is getting her kid a stripper, but it could be creepier. Like one time when I was watching one of those "America Undercover" specials on HBO, and a mom took her son to a whorehouse in Nevada so he could lose his virginity. That's creepy.
Anyway, enough creepiness:
"We even had grandpa there," she said.
See? Everyone fucking wins! I honestly don't see the crime here. Weird, yeah, but what more does a 16-year-old boy want more than to see some titties? They got the kid what he wanted; leave them alone.
Speaking of 14-year-olds and sex, Google search:
is it illegal to fuck a 14 year old
You may as well just turn yourself in if you're looking to Google for legal advice. If nothing else, you should at least be hitting ageofconsent.com if you must insist on asking questions of this nature. I honestly can't believe I've never linked that site before.
Thursday, July 07, 2005
Unless if you've been living under some kind of rock, you know what the big story is. There's really not much I can say about that in and of itself since it's all pretty self-evident, but I can nitpick at irrelevant minutiae. For instance, Tony Blair:
"We know these people act in the name of Islam but we also know the vast and overwhelming majority of Muslims here and abroad are decent and law-abiding people who abhor this act of terrorism."
Tony, we know this. You know that we know this. Granted, there are a lot of idiots out there who don't know this, but they're not gonna have their minds changed by you, Tony. I just hate these useless statements that are made just because they feel that they have to make them. It's like whenever I put someone in charge of something, and just out of stupid obligation to myself, I tell them something like "Be careful," even though I know that A) they were gonna be anyway and B) my saying it changes nothing. It's just that there's this stupid part of me that tells myself that if I don't say it, A and B won't hold. It's retarded, and I should stop it. World leaders should especially stop it. The same goes for condemnation of attacks like this. We know that you guys (allegedly) don't approve of what's happened, so quit wasting all our time telling us about that. Maybe you guys could look into doing some actual work someday instead of just standing around reading useless prepared statements.
Speaking of meaningless statements, Jack Straw:
"There's an assumption that this is an al-Qaida-based organisation. It has the hallmarks of an al-Qaida-based organisation and also its ruthlessness."
I'm still very uncomfortable with this assumption business. Shit blows up, and it's automatically Osama. Yes, I know, a group calling itself Al Qaeda Fuckheads in Europe or whatever claimed responsibility, but it still seems dangerous to just be putting all these labels on immediately just so we have someone we can picture in our simple minds when something happens. I mean, al Qaeda affiliates seem to be so loosely tied together that I'm pretty sure all you need to do to get into the club is to say that you're in the club. Do we know that all these groups are really working together in terms of manpower, financing, equipment, etc.? Or is it just common goals and ideology that bind them together? If it's merely the latter in some cases, then we oughta be cautious of oversimplifying. Seems as if that's gotten us into trouble in the past.
It's just like the shit we keep hearing in Iraq. "Al Qaeda-type" fighters, or "Al Qaeda-based" organizations or blah blah blah. Basically, it's "we don't really know what the fuck's going on, but we're going to play fast and loose with the rhetoric so your simple minds have something you can latch onto so that you can get behind us without too much critical thought." For fuck's sake, people. This may have been al Qaeda to the core, and it may have just been some loosely affiliated group, but either way I'm pretty sure that people were blowing shit up and killing civilians long before al Qaeda ever existed. Wait six seconds until you have some facts, then you can start jumping to conclusions.
He said there was no intelligence about other devices but he warned people to be vigilant.
Why is this relevant? We see how good the intelligence was on the bombs that did go off, so...
Meanwhile, Stateside, the usual stupid bullshit is to be expected, and we're delivering. For instance, I was reading bits and pieces of this article, and contained within it was the dumbest fucking thing I've ever heard:
Authorities have increased police presence at "United Kingdom-related locations," according to NYPD spokesman Jason Post, who did not elaborate on the locations.
A five-year-old must have thought this one up. Wow, since they bombed stuff in the UK, maybe someone will wanna make a statement and bomb something that's related to the UK that's not even in the UK! You know, I have this miniature of St. Stephen's Tower (the home of Big Ben and the Great Clock of Westminster) in the cabinet where the Girls reside -- maybe I should move it down to the lowest shelf right next to Jetfire just in case someone tries to blow it up.
I mean, really, if this is the kind of mentality that we have going with our security people, then we're fucked. Gas up the airliners, open the boarders and our airspace, and do whatever else needs to be done to give al Qaeda carte blanche to kill us all, because that's where we're headed if this is what's being done to protect us.
"We know these people act in the name of Islam but we also know the vast and overwhelming majority of Muslims here and abroad are decent and law-abiding people who abhor this act of terrorism."
Tony, we know this. You know that we know this. Granted, there are a lot of idiots out there who don't know this, but they're not gonna have their minds changed by you, Tony. I just hate these useless statements that are made just because they feel that they have to make them. It's like whenever I put someone in charge of something, and just out of stupid obligation to myself, I tell them something like "Be careful," even though I know that A) they were gonna be anyway and B) my saying it changes nothing. It's just that there's this stupid part of me that tells myself that if I don't say it, A and B won't hold. It's retarded, and I should stop it. World leaders should especially stop it. The same goes for condemnation of attacks like this. We know that you guys (allegedly) don't approve of what's happened, so quit wasting all our time telling us about that. Maybe you guys could look into doing some actual work someday instead of just standing around reading useless prepared statements.
Speaking of meaningless statements, Jack Straw:
"There's an assumption that this is an al-Qaida-based organisation. It has the hallmarks of an al-Qaida-based organisation and also its ruthlessness."
I'm still very uncomfortable with this assumption business. Shit blows up, and it's automatically Osama. Yes, I know, a group calling itself Al Qaeda Fuckheads in Europe or whatever claimed responsibility, but it still seems dangerous to just be putting all these labels on immediately just so we have someone we can picture in our simple minds when something happens. I mean, al Qaeda affiliates seem to be so loosely tied together that I'm pretty sure all you need to do to get into the club is to say that you're in the club. Do we know that all these groups are really working together in terms of manpower, financing, equipment, etc.? Or is it just common goals and ideology that bind them together? If it's merely the latter in some cases, then we oughta be cautious of oversimplifying. Seems as if that's gotten us into trouble in the past.
It's just like the shit we keep hearing in Iraq. "Al Qaeda-type" fighters, or "Al Qaeda-based" organizations or blah blah blah. Basically, it's "we don't really know what the fuck's going on, but we're going to play fast and loose with the rhetoric so your simple minds have something you can latch onto so that you can get behind us without too much critical thought." For fuck's sake, people. This may have been al Qaeda to the core, and it may have just been some loosely affiliated group, but either way I'm pretty sure that people were blowing shit up and killing civilians long before al Qaeda ever existed. Wait six seconds until you have some facts, then you can start jumping to conclusions.
He said there was no intelligence about other devices but he warned people to be vigilant.
Why is this relevant? We see how good the intelligence was on the bombs that did go off, so...
Meanwhile, Stateside, the usual stupid bullshit is to be expected, and we're delivering. For instance, I was reading bits and pieces of this article, and contained within it was the dumbest fucking thing I've ever heard:
Authorities have increased police presence at "United Kingdom-related locations," according to NYPD spokesman Jason Post, who did not elaborate on the locations.
A five-year-old must have thought this one up. Wow, since they bombed stuff in the UK, maybe someone will wanna make a statement and bomb something that's related to the UK that's not even in the UK! You know, I have this miniature of St. Stephen's Tower (the home of Big Ben and the Great Clock of Westminster) in the cabinet where the Girls reside -- maybe I should move it down to the lowest shelf right next to Jetfire just in case someone tries to blow it up.
I mean, really, if this is the kind of mentality that we have going with our security people, then we're fucked. Gas up the airliners, open the boarders and our airspace, and do whatever else needs to be done to give al Qaeda carte blanche to kill us all, because that's where we're headed if this is what's being done to protect us.
Monday, July 04, 2005
When I fired up my browser the other day and saw that Sandra Day O'Connor is retiring, I immediately said "Oh shit." And we're only in the pre-game warmups now; I can't wait for the real fun to begin. And by "can't wait," what I actually mean is "I wish everyone would die."
Okay, so check this out. There's pretty much no chance that Bush will nominate someone who is anywhere near center. Definitely no one who isn't a hardcore Christian on a mission against things like abortion and gay rights. So we're pretty much fucked on that front.
But would it matter even if the world turned itself inside out and he did nominate a centrist? Who wants to bet that no matter who Bush nominates, every Democrat and liberal will be dead-set against it. Bush could nominate Clinton and the left would go up in flames saying that they're going to try and stop it. And that's exactly what it'll be; nothing but talk about trying to stop it. The most the Democrats can do is filibuster, and we all know that they will, but in the end, I'm all but certain that Bush will get his way.
Okay, so check this out. There's pretty much no chance that Bush will nominate someone who is anywhere near center. Definitely no one who isn't a hardcore Christian on a mission against things like abortion and gay rights. So we're pretty much fucked on that front.
But would it matter even if the world turned itself inside out and he did nominate a centrist? Who wants to bet that no matter who Bush nominates, every Democrat and liberal will be dead-set against it. Bush could nominate Clinton and the left would go up in flames saying that they're going to try and stop it. And that's exactly what it'll be; nothing but talk about trying to stop it. The most the Democrats can do is filibuster, and we all know that they will, but in the end, I'm all but certain that Bush will get his way.
Like usual, this is nothing but Puritanism that wastes a bunch of fucking time. If a female teacher shows up with her breasts totally exposed or a male teacher shows up with his schlong hanging out, that might be a problem. Well, except in the case of the female teacher and her male students should the teacher be attractive.
District 11 in Colorado Springs, Colorado...
Big shocker finding the Springs involved in this article.
... hair curlers are disallowed in Harris County...
What?
School administrators say inappropriate dress is most often an issue with younger teachers, whose trendy clothing and casual style can make it hard to distinguish them from their students.
Uhhh, you can usually distinguish teachers -- even the younger ones -- from their students by picking out the lone adult amongst a bunch of kids. The only place this could almost be relevant is with a very young teacher or student teacher who's in charge of older high schoolers. Really, though, this one is just a pathetic excuse for being uptight.
"I don't think I'm taken as seriously if I'm dressed down and I don't think I take my job as seriously if I'm dressed down," he said. "When I dress more professionally, I think I teach better, I think I'm received better, and I think I show more respect for my profession."
When I first read this particular quote, I was like, that's all fucking stupid. Your teaching ability is based on what clothes you're wearing? Wow, if that's not the sign of a shitty teacher, then I don't know what is. I dunno if you're going to be "received better" since these are kids you're dealing with and not other professionals. And the notion of showing "more respect" for your profession is just some arbitrary nonsense that you and a bunch of others just made up. But once I got through all that, I went back and re-read that he's a fucking BAND TEACHER, which means that the man is a total joke to begin with.
But the school board still does not allow Capri pants because those stop only around the midcalf.
I'm almost OK with this since Capri pants are fucking stupid. What are you, preparing for the flood, lady? Either pick out some pants or pick out some shorts and get on with it already.
In Houston, the Aldine Independent School District's policy is cut-and-dried... Their sideburns cannot extend beyond the earlobe.
But can they be triangle shaped?
I'd love it if one of these days this country stopped getting hysterical over irrelevant shit just for the sake of getting hysterical. Maybe we oughta be more concerned with how teachers are teaching as opposed to what they're wearing. I don't think it takes a genius to see when something really crosses the line (as with the aforementioned cock example), but otherwise, leave these fucking people alone and let them do their jobs. Hey, I know what'll make these cretins happy: just force all teachers to wear burqas. Freedom is on the march!
District 11 in Colorado Springs, Colorado...
Big shocker finding the Springs involved in this article.
... hair curlers are disallowed in Harris County...
What?
School administrators say inappropriate dress is most often an issue with younger teachers, whose trendy clothing and casual style can make it hard to distinguish them from their students.
Uhhh, you can usually distinguish teachers -- even the younger ones -- from their students by picking out the lone adult amongst a bunch of kids. The only place this could almost be relevant is with a very young teacher or student teacher who's in charge of older high schoolers. Really, though, this one is just a pathetic excuse for being uptight.
"I don't think I'm taken as seriously if I'm dressed down and I don't think I take my job as seriously if I'm dressed down," he said. "When I dress more professionally, I think I teach better, I think I'm received better, and I think I show more respect for my profession."
When I first read this particular quote, I was like, that's all fucking stupid. Your teaching ability is based on what clothes you're wearing? Wow, if that's not the sign of a shitty teacher, then I don't know what is. I dunno if you're going to be "received better" since these are kids you're dealing with and not other professionals. And the notion of showing "more respect" for your profession is just some arbitrary nonsense that you and a bunch of others just made up. But once I got through all that, I went back and re-read that he's a fucking BAND TEACHER, which means that the man is a total joke to begin with.
But the school board still does not allow Capri pants because those stop only around the midcalf.
I'm almost OK with this since Capri pants are fucking stupid. What are you, preparing for the flood, lady? Either pick out some pants or pick out some shorts and get on with it already.
In Houston, the Aldine Independent School District's policy is cut-and-dried... Their sideburns cannot extend beyond the earlobe.
But can they be triangle shaped?
I'd love it if one of these days this country stopped getting hysterical over irrelevant shit just for the sake of getting hysterical. Maybe we oughta be more concerned with how teachers are teaching as opposed to what they're wearing. I don't think it takes a genius to see when something really crosses the line (as with the aforementioned cock example), but otherwise, leave these fucking people alone and let them do their jobs. Hey, I know what'll make these cretins happy: just force all teachers to wear burqas. Freedom is on the march!
Okay, this article is worth it just for the joke about the Air Force in one of the opening paragraphs, but it also gives me yet another chance to make fun of fat people. I mean, seriously, who cares if people are too fat to join up? Or too fat to stay in service? These people sound like perfect front-line candidates to me. Then everyone else can be a part of Operation: Get Behind the Fatties.
USARIEM, as it is known...
Is US'ARIEM run by a guy they call Dr. Van Gelder, by any chance? I'm just asking.
"We now try to return them better than when they joined the Army with the promise that they will 'be all they can be."
Yeah, assuming that you don't send them home dead. What they've got going thanks to shit like Iraq is one helluva weight loss program.
USARIEM, as it is known...
Is US'ARIEM run by a guy they call Dr. Van Gelder, by any chance? I'm just asking.
"We now try to return them better than when they joined the Army with the promise that they will 'be all they can be."
Yeah, assuming that you don't send them home dead. What they've got going thanks to shit like Iraq is one helluva weight loss program.
It is July 4, 2005. But where are the flying cars? I was promised flying cars. I don't see any any flying cars. Why? Why? Why?
It seemed like something was up when KOC showed up in late June without giving the Doteasy page for having exceeded bandwidth on a free account, but nothing new has shown up, so right now Galvin is looking like nothing more than a cockteaser.
It seemed like something was up when KOC showed up in late June without giving the Doteasy page for having exceeded bandwidth on a free account, but nothing new has shown up, so right now Galvin is looking like nothing more than a cockteaser.
Sunday, July 03, 2005
Fireworks
Spam:
Wanna Cum Like Pornstar?
Um, no. If you've watched enough porno, at least the standard shit, you will have noticed that many porno guys are fucking with a semi-flaccid cock, and then when they pull out to cum on the chick (which they ALWYAS do... for some reason, we've gotta have visual ID that he has indeed cum) it's this weak-ass load. I'm always sitting there thinking "That's not enough!" Okay, I've never actually thought that particular line, but looking back, I should have. But really, I am always disappointed. You have this monster cock and that's all that you can muster in the semen department?
Now, I guess I can understand why the cocks never seem to be fully hard and why the load is always miniscule. If you've fucked 15 women over the past several hours, all to orgasm, well, it's gonna get tired. Hey, I know when I've been beating it for several hours straight or something, it just quits. That doesn't make porno guy any less impressive; it must be the big cock that has me expecting more, even if the cock can't get fully hard. To get back to the impetus for this impotent post, when I haven't been totally abusing my cock, I can put out a load that puts any porno guy to shame. So no thanks.
Oh, and if any ladies are getting wet over the "several hours straight" comment, you can dry yourselves up now. I'm pretty sure that my masturbatory stamina doesn't translate to real-world results.
Wanna Cum Like Pornstar?
Um, no. If you've watched enough porno, at least the standard shit, you will have noticed that many porno guys are fucking with a semi-flaccid cock, and then when they pull out to cum on the chick (which they ALWYAS do... for some reason, we've gotta have visual ID that he has indeed cum) it's this weak-ass load. I'm always sitting there thinking "That's not enough!" Okay, I've never actually thought that particular line, but looking back, I should have. But really, I am always disappointed. You have this monster cock and that's all that you can muster in the semen department?
Now, I guess I can understand why the cocks never seem to be fully hard and why the load is always miniscule. If you've fucked 15 women over the past several hours, all to orgasm, well, it's gonna get tired. Hey, I know when I've been beating it for several hours straight or something, it just quits. That doesn't make porno guy any less impressive; it must be the big cock that has me expecting more, even if the cock can't get fully hard. To get back to the impetus for this impotent post, when I haven't been totally abusing my cock, I can put out a load that puts any porno guy to shame. So no thanks.
Oh, and if any ladies are getting wet over the "several hours straight" comment, you can dry yourselves up now. I'm pretty sure that my masturbatory stamina doesn't translate to real-world results.
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