For all the jokes I make about being a bad person - and I am a bad person - I can still sleep at night because I know I'll never be this bad. I mean, seriously. I'd never do that to a child, not even if the child was really, really asking for it. Like Chris Rock says, just don't do it.

The National Center for Health Statistics says healthy 10-year-old girls should weigh from 53 to 106 pounds.

As I pointed out earlier, I'm an expert on child development. Um, considering many of the jokes around here, that's kind of inappropriate now that I think about it, but fuck it - we roll with it anyway. That just doesn't seem right. A healthy weight for someone is between X and 2X?

"I'm absolutely livid," Lori Allain said in a telephone interview Saturday. "I really feel it's retaliatory from the Hernando County Sheriff's department."

Yeah, it's retaliatory. Retaliatory for starving a 10-year-old child you were "caring" for. The law has a tendency to do that every now and then. God damn it, sometimes I just don't understand why some people even bother opening their mouths to make statements like this.

Okay, true, innocent until proven guilty, this is one story from the liberal media, blah blah blah. Still, if you have a 10-year-old girl somewhere at home who weighs 29 pounds, something is clearly fucked up.

Finally, I will avoid any jokes about a certain someone I know who's rather wee. I wouldn't want things to get redundant around here.