Yahoo search:

how to fuck hookers on the point

Maybe it's just because I'm so pure and innocent (or just dumb), but I don't understand what the hell that means.

The PussyStick Chronicles: Day 2

Yes, day two. Not day one, since fucking AudBlog decided to wait about a day before getting that post up. I'm just waiting until I have some kind of emergency and AudBlog is the only number I can dial. I'll be fucked, and it'll be all their fault.

The temporary rig is an Audi A4 2.8, equipped with the already mentioned PussyStick. It's a couple of years old, but decently nice. My guess is that the turbocharged version with a real manual transmission would be kinda fun. Either way, we'll do what we can to abuse the PussyStick.

The shittiest thing about it, other than being a complete fraud of a transmission, is that you don't actually have total control. Even when you're in PussyStick mode, the car still automatically controls when shifting out of first takes place. So I can't get full power out of that gear because you can be sure that the automatic control won't let you hit the red-line (which is kinda low anyway).

Still, as I mentioned, it is sadly still nicer than my trusty Civic, PussyStick and all. But once I can get myself something new, it's real manual all the way.

The Times has a fairly in-depth article on this Swift Boat Veterans for Truth bullshit. I really wish that the left would be quicker to respond to this kind of stuff, but better late than never. And, furthermore, it's more than I typically expect. They'd just better keep on their toes, because I'd be willing to bet that Team Bush and their fronts, ERRR, supporters will have some kind of supposed bombshell right before the election if things are still close.

Well, John Kerry finally decided to respond to the attacks on his Vietnam service... By using the tired rhetoric of "bring it on." Accusing Bush of letting people like Swiftboat Veterans for Truth do his "dirty work," though, was a decent touch. I'll give him points on that one.

"We have called on Senator Kerry to join us in calling for an end to all the unregulated soft money activity that is going on in this campaign."

Stop. Just save it, Scott. Yeah, both sides (the left and the right -- not just Team Bush and Camp Kerry) are capable of being vicious, but no one plays as dirty as TB. Partly because they're the only ones with the balls to fight like that, but also just because they're the only ones who are just plain big enough assholes to do that. I know I use the example time and time again, but all you really have to say is John McCain, South Carolina. For a list of some other examples, you can look here.

Disinfopedia itself is just an interesting site, and I need to peruse it more often.

Some random shit from one commercial break:

• I think that it's pretty slick marketing strategy to have attractive women doing ads for hand lotion.
• "Racewalking" is a fucking Olympic sport now? You've got to be fucking kidding me.
• David Spade must be fucking broke.

Right before never buying anything they make

Am I the only one who sees food products made by these people that can't help but chuckle with dirty thoughts?

Here's another reason why I hate religion: pettiness. Such stupid, meaningless bullshit that has nothing to do with anything. You can't eat certain things. You have to face a certain direction when you pray. Your Christ Cracker must be of inflexible composition. What a fantastic, marvelous thing this religion thing is. This kind of moronic nonsense is what's dictated lives and shaped history.

Hopefully this experience will put little Haley on the path to realizing that Catholicism is a big waste of time. Either way, this is a good first step towards her becoming YABC - yet another bitter Catholic.

There are few people you find who are as scarred as those who grew up Catholic. With all the discontent that arises from being Catholic, you'd think more people would run screaming from that bullshit. But so many stick with it nonetheless -- true testament of the power of religion

"Yeah, you know what? I'm tired of all this feeling bad and all the goofy pageantry and rules. I'm going to go someplace else."

"Sure, okay. Oh, have fun in hell."

"Fuck."

Alright, I do know that once you come of age, you can turn your back on the church and walk away. But even if there isn't someone there in some stupid robes saying the above, it's implied.

Quite possibly the worst thing that Catholicism has given us is the Catholic wedding. I only went to one of these motherfuckers, and I damn near crucified myself. Here's what happens every three seconds:

"Let us pray."

NO! Let us get the fuck out of here before Jesus actually shows up and shuts this shit down.

The best Adventure in Catholicism involves a friend of mine who grew up Catholic. Her church gave her a scholarship when she was ready to go off to college, which she of course readily accepted. Shortly thereafter she turned 18, at which time she renounced Catholicism.

Bullshitting continues on the notion of creating a new intelligence czar. And that's all it is: bullshit. But it's getting lots of attention. Why? Well, my feeling is that it's all a smokescreen. Creating a new intelligence post seems like it'd be something fairly simple. We'll just add some new level of bureaucracy that won't do a fucking thing, kinda like when America woke up one morning and we had Tom Ridge.

Bush has agreed to the idea "in principle." Which means that Bush is working hard on the issue as usual because he's smart and he gives a shit. Congress is holding hearings and shit, which allows them to avoid doing real work on something hard like, say, reforming congressional oversight of intelligence.

I do agree with Rumsfeld, at least on principle. We of course don't want to do this in a manner that causes us to fuck it all up. Of course, Rummy is just engaging in one of the biggest things threatening us today: bullshit turf wars. All these cocksuckers care more about Number One than doing anything to make this country safer.

This, of course, is not a startling revelation. That's politics and, more generally, human nature. But can we stop being stupid and believing them when they say that they're working hard to protect us because they care?

The implied Office Space quote is left as an exercise to the reader

RNC protestors are being encouraged to put on a piece of flair.

"All told, it's been a rough month for the hotel heiress."

Whoever wrote that line needs to be gunned down. Right after we gun down Paris Hilton herself. Which, of course, will take place sometime after we do something horrible to that ugly little shit dog of hers right in front of her eyes.

Yeah, it would suck to get robbed and have your piece of shit that you call a pet disappear for six seconds. It would furthermore suck to have gobs and gobs of money, never having to worry about a fucking thing or furthermore do a fucking thing other than shop, drink, party, and fuck. Oh wait, no it wouldn't.

Bill Maher put it best. "New rule: you can't be famous for nothing." Paris Hilton is a rich cunt. We have a few of those in this country. Big fucking deal. But on top of it she's ugly. Why does anyone care about Paris Hilton? Oh, that's right, because this country is FUCKING RETARDED.

Finally, if I thought that she would actually get it, I would send Paris one of these.

Fuck bees.

Blogger is replacing banner ads at the top of 'blogs with a new tool bar for searching the 'blog you're reading. And it's... Completely fucking useless. Search my site for "fuck" and it returns all of 45 results. Yeah, as it turns out, my language is much cleaner than I thought it was. Fucking cunts.

What else is going on that I don't give a fuck about? The Olympics. Holy hell, I have never given less of a shit about the Olympics than I do this year. Not that I'm ever all that big on the Olympic games, but still. Normally there's some interest, but not this year. All I wanna know is when figure skating is on.

Maybe I'll garner some interest if I catch some women's gymnastics, just because I (and I'm sure I'm not alone) have a bit of a thing for gymnasts. And no, not because they look like children, but, well, okay, because they look like children. I'm a big proponent of trading going through puberty for mad athletic skills.

Okay, it's already too late to get myself out of trouble, but fuck it. Yes, it is neat that so many gymnasts are so tiny even when they're older and perfectly legal. You know what I could do with a girl who's really short? I could be taller than her, that's what, and that never fucking happens. At least not once they get past the age of, oh, nine. Although my pedophile jokes may seem to imply otherwise, it would be nice to find someone a little closer to my age. Anyway, I have no inborn need to be taller (being down at buffet level has its advantages, if only I could ever put them to use), but it seems to be a bullshit requirement. I'm only trying to be practical here.

Another thing about gymnasts is, of course, the flexibility. Same thing with dancers. You know what I could do with that flexibility? Hell if I know, but it'd probably be neat.

Yup, slow weekend. This is all I've got. Yahoo search:

cutting edge porn

I don't know why, but I just like the sound of that. Once our plans to start our own porn production house make it out of the 93% bucket, I think this is what we should call our company (just so long as we make it clear that "cutting" shouldn't be taken literally).

Weee represent... The lollipop, uh...

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Google search:

fleshlight too big

I don't have a Fleshlight, but I'll bet that even I wouldn't suffer from this problem. Hopefully. This guy clearly needs some official Fe boxers.

I like how we keep hearing exactly this, and it never seems to sink in. People hear "tax cut," their eyes glaze over, "Durrrrrr, he said tax cut, tax cut good," and then Bush is god. Nevermind the fact that we know that all kinds of reports show that his tax cuts emphasize his favoritism of corporations and the rich. As long as he's cutting taxes, that's good -- nevermind where he's making those cuts.

And I am just getting so bloody sick and tired of taxes being the end-all, be-all of elections. Don't people fucking realize that taxes pay for shit that we all enjoy having, like roads and schools? Now, I'm not saying that the tax system is perfect, but the bottom line is that all that shit has to get paid for somehow. Still, the right sells taxes as the most evil fucking thing ever. You cut taxes, you're good. You raise taxes, you're automatically bad.

I don't like paying taxes, and I'm not aspiring for someone who's gonna go apeshit with raising my taxes. But I've at least learned to accept the notion of paying taxes. Of course I don't want them astronomically higher, and yes, it would be nice if I could keep more of the money I earn. But hey, shit happens. In the end, the thing that pisses me off isn't that they take tax money, it's how they fuck up when it comes to spending it. Find me a candidate who is pushing for lower stupidity in spending instead of lower taxes, and I might get on board.

Oh yeah, Dubya and Laura -- you know, his cunt of a wife -- were on Larry King last night. Why the fuck is it that Bush can't go anywhere without someone holding his hand? Yes, that was rhetorical. Bush had Cheney when they met with the 9/11 commission, and Laura with him when big, bad Larry King wanted to ask some questions.

There were (naturally) so many fucking times where Larry asks a question, Laura answers it, and I'm yelling "Shouldn't HE be the one answering that question?!?!" Like when Larry asks if it's hard to send troops into battle. Laura wasn't the one who made that decision, Dubya (ostensibly) did.

Like usual, there was at least one question that Bush had a lot of trouble answering. I can't remember one biggie -- might have been when Larry asks if Bush was considering McCain for the national intelligence director position that's being discussed. Whatever the question was, Bush stumbles around for an answer, and even says "You caught me off guard" or something to that effect. What that signaled to me was that Larry King jumped the script, and it's gonna be hard for him to get an interview with Bush again. Because, as has been proven time and time again, Bush is too stupid to be able to handle anything unexpected, even if it's something simple.

The rest of the interview was filled with the expected bullshit, answering questions in the same manner as they've been answered before. "We're fighting them over there to avoid having to fight them at home." Yeah, whatever. So it was pretty much par for the course. There were even a few times where I was able to settle into a groove with not being too pissed, but then that stupid smirk would start showing up. I wish they could hire someone to follow Bush around and just punch him in the arm or something any time he starts that shit. Nothing drastic, just some negative reinforcement to help him break that habit.

Watching Bush in a forum like this, I get to thinking: you know, Bush, as a person, isn't all that bad. He seems like a nice enough guy. I don't really hate Dubya, I just can't stand the fact that he's so dumb an ignorant. Now Cheney, Wolfowitz, Rove, people like that -- those motherfuckers I hate. But it's kinda hard to hate Bush as a person since he's so child-like. Well, until he starts talking about Jesus, and then it's back to hate. So nevermind, I do hate George W. Bush.

One thing's for certain, though: get that dumbass out of office and back on the sauce, and he'd probably be a good time.

Speaking of "He's not Bush"...

Another big thing in the past couple of weeks has been the "Swiftboat Veterans for Truth" campaign, which (if you haven't seen it but probably have if you follow this shit) shows a series of Vietnam swiftboat vets talking about how Kerry betrayed his country, blah blah blah. Well, "talking" is somewhat of an exaggeration; it's nothing but unsubstantiated one-liners saying what a bad guy Kerry was.

The ad, while not directly Bush-backed, was of course funded by Republican money. Once again, I've gotta hand it to these R fuckers. Back when it became apparent that Kerry was going to be the D nominee, everyone was like "Man, Kerry's Vietnam service is gold. No way Team Bush can touch that shit, especially considering their draft-dodging candidate." Despite the fact that any kind of service is unimpeachable when put up against Bush's (and let us not forget Cheney's) actions (or lack thereof) during 'Nam, the R smear machine is going for it anyway. That's... Fucking balls right there. Hey, it's a shitty, scummy thing they're doing, but even if I detest it we all know that I begrudgingly respect evil genius. I don't like it, but I have to give it some points.

One thing I've been saying all along is that Kerry will get bent over once TB kicks their ad campaign into full-gear, just like they did with McCain. Again, this Swiftboat thing isn't officially a Bush ad, but you know it has their unofficial blessing. I've never seen Kerry as being a guy who has the balls to stand up to this kind of bullshit and, so far, that's exactly what's happening. This article does a nice job of expressing a lot of that sentiment.

John, for Christ's fucking sake, you played nice at the DNC, and now it's time to play hardball (Chris Matthews... Cock punch!). The RNC is only couple of weeks or so away, and once that hits, the R propaganda and smear machines are going to go fucking berserk. And let's not forget the 9/11 anniversary, which will only add fuel to the fire. John, not only do we need you to pull this thing out, but I -- and many others -- need some reason, any reason, to actually believe in you. In other words, it'd be nice to have something more than "he's not Bush." Finally standing up and taking these fuckers to task on this kind of garbage would go a long way towards achieving that goal.

Shit, can you imagine what Kerry could accomplish if he managed that feat? He's already gotten the race to the point where it actually is a race, which is surprising the hell out of many of us. Anger aginst Bush has been a powerful tool up to this point. But if Kerry could actually inspire people out there, showing that he's better in an absolute and not just relative sense, he could lock this fucking thing up.

Among other big stories this week was the unsurprising nomination of Porter Goss to head the CIA. I don't know if putting a Republican congressman whose leanings are more than obvious in charge of the CIA at a time when they continually stand accused of slanting intelligence, but what do you expect from Bush? For him to make a decision that wasn't based partly or entirely on politics? Christ, it's not like Bush gives a shit about actually improving things or actually making us safer, 'ya know.

At least he didn't nominate someone just because they were his friend, à la Tom Ridge. Maybe we can take some comfort in the fact that -- assuming he gets past confirmation -- Goss sorta knows something, maybe, about intelligence and the CIA. We'll see whether or not the democrats decide to fight it.

Regardless of what's going on, Michael Moore is doing what he can to stir up trouble. This is pretty weak, though, Mike. From the sounds of it, Goss was talking about becoming a field agent, not the head of the CIA. There's a bit of a disparity between those two positions. As we all know, management doesn't need any real skills, as opposed to the people in the trenches.

Reluctant moviegoer

Um, yeah. You know what? I'm not so sure this is such a hot idea. A new cartoon movie of the original cartoon would be fine, except that it wouldn't since Ultra Magnus (AKA Robert Fucking Stack) is dead and they just fuck everything up as it is. Besides, what the fuck is the point with Steven Spielberg involved? Yeah, I really want to see Optimus Prime and Megatron duke it out with fucking walkie-talkies. That is if it even is going to be based on the original characters, and not some of that bullshit from Beast Wars et al.

You know what else? Someday (7%), I'm going to make a movie, and it's going to be entitled Quit Raping My Childhood. While we're on the subject of bad ideas, when does the Eva movie come out, again? Because I'm really looking forward to that.

Double your pleasure

Yahoo search:

where the fuck do we find baby furniture

There's some good parents in the making. Also, Fe's good buddy Naked Furniture comes in ahead of us in those search results, and I'm jealous.

Yahoo search:

CHEERLEADERS FUCKING ATHLETES

That never happens.

You've got a funny way of showing it, dickhead.

"The mission is not going to be completed as quickly as possible if the enemy thinks we will be removing a substantial number of troops in six months."

It would be pretty stupid for Kerry to be committing to a pullout so far in advance seeing as how we don't know what the situation will be tomorrow, nonetheless ten months from now. Of course, Kerry's plan isn't just to cut and run, his idea is to get international support to replace those American troops he's thinking of pulling out.

Naturally, all the talk about unofficial "assurances" are meaningless. We have no way of knowing whether or not any of it is true, nor do we know if any foreign leaders would follow through in the end even if they really have given these assurances.

The bottom line is that if things do end up going relatively well and we see this Iraq thing through, there's going to be a military presence there for quite some time no matter what. The only way to ease the burden on ourselves (even though we brought the burden on through our own actions) is to get others involved. Bush clearly will not be able to get this done since he's A) incompetent and B) not exactly popular around the world. Am I saying that Kerry is a surefire bet to get support from other nations when it comes to Iraq? Of course not. But he's got to have a better chance of making something happen than Bush.


And finally...

"The policies I made were on the one hand trying to help as best as we can move science forward, and at the same time keep an ethical balance so that we promote a culture of life,"

Every time I hear that phrase -- culture of life -- I want to get sick. Especially when it comes from someone as lethal injection happy as Bush (to say nothing of the war). Hey, I'm all for the death penalty, and so is a lot of the rest of the country. Then couple that with all the killings going down every day and the fact that our history -- as well as all of human history -- has been driven by assassination and war and all that happy stuff and you can quickly see that calling ours a "culture of life" is about the biggest load of horse shit ever.

Fuck.