Saturday, February 14, 2004

Here's a Google search I'm fucking tired of:

"How to mastubate"

We'll ignore the fact that they misspelled "masturbate." After all, the reason I always show up in these searches is because I once misspelled the word. No, what pisses me off is that it shows just how goddamn fucking lazy people are.

Actually, I just realized that this isn't exactly the search I get that pisses me off. A blue pacific margarita from Chili's will do that. Actually, the one that I get a lot is something like "best way to mastubate." THIS one pisses me off, and THIS one shows how fucking lazy people are, kids especially.

Best way to jerk off. You've got to be fucking kidding me. Why don't you just figure out what works best for you? How the fuck is Google supposed to know what's going to make you feel best? While you're at it, why don't you just ask Google for "the best food"? I'm sure it can figure out your personal preferences pretty easily.

Look, I know these are probably just some repressed 13-year-old boys who grew up in a good Christian family, but c'mon. You need to learn that there are just some things you need to learn on your own.

Continuing with chicks and romance...

Since underage girls are... sometimes a topic here, the Olsen Twins have been mentioned on occasion. One thing I've been meaning to go track down some of the Olsen Twins countdown sites. Yes, there are sites out there that are counting down the days until the Olsen Twins turn 18. You can find a bunch of these sites by doing a quick Google search. As if I needed a reminder, I'm not the only sick fuck out there. Pretty much all guys are either A) with me or B) liars. You guys know you like to look, even if like me you won't do anything further.

I honestly don't see what the big deal with the Olsen Twins is. Like Hillary Duff, they could definitely stand to be much hotter. I mean, if you're gonna market underage poon, you might as well do it right, shouldn't 'cha? Even the fact that they're twins really doesn't do all that much for me, but the twins issue is a post for another time.

Just in case if you were feeling good about anything today

So I've gotta admit, I'm a little disappointed this morning. I probably won't be able to explain this quite right, but it's not like it matters, because it's pretty bad no matter which way you slice it.

I think a decent number of people have accepted the fact that we're going to face another terrorist attack on the homeland at some point. Even if the government were to actually do an effective job of protecting us, there's no way they can do absolutely everything. That's just the nature of terrorism; it can't be 100% eliminated. This most likely already makes sense to lots of people outside this country, since they have been dealing with terrorism for years. Us Americans tend to be behind the curve on a lot of things, as I'm sure has been noted.

I know this is sick, but bear with me. For the past couple of years, I've hoped that if the terrorists do strike again, I mean if it absolutely, positively has to happen, I just wish the terrorists would have the decency to strike on Valentine's Day. Look, I don't want people to die (well, except the stupid ones), and I really don't want the government stepping it up with regards to Big Brother mode, but I don't think we can escape it. Maybe we can, but if not, it would be nice if we could at least get something out of it.

I'm just trying to be practical and realistic here. And I'm sorry, but I'd just have to laugh if this stupid day was ruined for everyone. "Honey, I love you. Remember how all those people died a couple of years ago on this very special day?"

Valentine's Day is such a bullshit holiday. I'm sure everyone will find it a complete surprise that Valentine's Day pisses me off. Yes, of course it's because I'm bitter and lonely. We all know that shit. The thing that's agitating is that I don't need a special day once a year to remind me that I'm a loser who's going to die alone; there are already 364 other days of the year that do a good enough job reminding me of that fact. Oh, hey, it's a leap year, isn't it? Bonus.

Even with as negative as I am, even I can see that there's a bright side to Valentine's Day for us who are on our own. Sure, it's a bright side that shines with the luminosity of a 10-watt bulb, but at least it's something. Because you see, even though I get pissed at myself for being on my own like this, in many, many ways, it's a HUGE relief not having a girlfriend or a wife or whatever on Valentine's day. I don't have to deal with all the stress that Valentine's day puts on people who are in relationships.

This is one of the funny things about Valentine's Day; it's bullshit for reasons completely external to me. Let's set aside for a minute that it's a manufactured "Hallmark holiday" and that it's pretty fucking retarded for us to set aside one whole day to tell the person we love that we do indeed love them, or at least that we bought them some chocolates.

Men, at least the ones who give a shit about this "holiday," have to fret over what they're going to do for their woman. They know they have to make it special, because failure is not an option. Meanwhile, women have gotta be worried about what their man is going to do for them, because they of course don't want him to fuck up. They want him to do a good job because they want to feel special and to feel loved. Oh, and because they're greedy. I should know because I'm such a fucking woman myself. The part that makes it truly comical is that even if, IF the guy does a good job, there's a decent chance the girl will go to work or school or whatever after Valentine's day and hear what all her girlfriends' boyfriends did for them. Some women are going to come away from that pissed off seeing as how their SO didn't do what so-and-so's SO did for her.

Valentine's day really is the double-ended dildo of holidays: it fucks everyone.

Thursday, February 12, 2004

I dunno what the hell Pretty Girl's problem is, but whatever it is, she's got it bad.

My favorite thing is the links section merely entitled "Bullshit." That's good stuff.
Sweet fucking Christ, would they just get it over with and cancel the goddamn series already?
I'm pretty sure the space aliens are laughing at us considering that we bother to even think about shit like this.

Besides, that guy in the mirror said so

See? I told you that chick has a dong.

Wednesday, February 11, 2004

Kerry is taking more 'Nam-related shit.

To be honest, I really don't like Kerry. He's always struck me as nothing but an uninspired, opportunistic fuck. I (obviously) don't dislike him as much as Bush, and I have warmed to Kerry a bit. When it comes to the Vietnam issue, I could go either way.

On one hand, I can see his touting being in the war and being against the war as being conflicting and opportunistic. Just like with the Iraq war, which I can't get over when it comes to Kerry. He voted for it (having to know full well what Bush intended to do), but now criticizes it. Could be something similar with 'Nam; his "feelings" about the war may have been influenced by what those feelings could do for him politically.

On the other hand, I can easily see where someone who was in Vietnam would end up being someone who was against Vietnam. No one has more street cred to talk about any particular conflict than those involved in it. So, yeah, he very easily could have been proud of serving his country, while at the same time angry that his country was sending men to die for no good reason.

The Republican attacks on Kerry over this are starting to sound somewhat like the pro-Iraq war crowd's attacks against the anti-war crowd. There, being anti-war was equated with being anti-troops. Well, that's a little child's mentality. It shows no depth of thought whatsoever. Some people could appreciate people volunteering and sacrificing for such an ugly job while not approving of the job itself. That's more of a referendum on the people who are giving the troops orders as opposed to a referendum on the troops themselves. Furthermore, an anti-war stance is in many ways more pro-troops than anything - it's saying that we don't think these people should be sacrificing their lives over some bullshit political squabble.

But yeah, try and get that reasoning past a five-year-old.

Someone set us up the bomb

A friend of mine always talks about how fucking stupid Harvard kids are. This has weight coming from her since she's a fucking genius, even in light of the kids who aren't there on legacy alone. That being said, this is pretty funny.

Monday, February 09, 2004

Okay, so James has brought up a question that I've been pondering for awhile. Namely, just how questionable are things like my sailor schoolgirl site?

The Japanese are a big fan of all things "young," and as such the sailor girls often are mid to late teens and sometimes early twenties. So yeah, some are under 18.

I'm no expert on laws with regards to this, but I'm pretty sure that it's okay in most circumstances when there's no nudity involved. I know that's not the only factor in making something illegal, as one could argue the context of said material since we all know what guys are doing with pics like these.

Of course, here in the states, a girl doesn't have to be over 18 to appear in something racy that doesn't involve nudity. Girls under 18 have appeared in Victoria's Secret, which everyone knows is a huge strokefest. I think under 18 models can pose for things like the SI Swimsuit issue. The stipulation is that for girls who appear in things like that, their parents must consent and be present at the photo shoots.

Oh, and let us not forget Britney Spears, who was showing it off before she was 18, in a school uniform no less.

In addition to the legal side of things, there's always the issue as to whether or not this is just plain wrong and exploitative. I'd say that's going to depend on the individual model. Some of them are undoubtedly mature enough to handle this and know what's involved, others you might argue are being taken advantage of.

Naturally, my worry over this comes from a few sources. One, I'm a paranoid fuck. Two, I have the patent inability to let myself enjoy anything. Three, I know how bloody uptight we are in this country. You could never get away with large-scale school uniform photography over here like in Japan. Not necessarily because it's illegal (but not like I have a definitive answer), but just because you'd be fucking run out of town for trying it. We are so afraid to link "youth" and "sex" that it's not even funny. By youth, of course, I'm not talking about little kids, I'm talking about those fun teenage years we all went through, are going through, or will go through (I'm sure there are plenty of pre-teens running around this site; if they are that's their parents' fucking fault). You know, the years dominated by those "raging hormones." I've already hit on this subject area before, so I'll spare you for the moment.

Of course, we will link youth and sex when it suits us, like with Britney. Usually, it suits us if there's money to be made. "Exploitation? What exploitation? Oh, that exploitation? Well, look at this pile of money." As such, if I'm going to hell for this, then this society is coming with me. Take that as a pun if you wish.

In the end, apparently I'm not that worried, otherwise I wouldn't be setting up sites and making 'blog posts about it. Unless, of course, if my tendency to share too much with strangers is shining through.

At this point, I'm pretty sure it's just going to depend on the jury I land. But does anyone have a better idea than I do, so people like James and I can get a better idea as to whether or not we should be waiting for that "knock on the door"?
Those dirty queers need to be put in therapy or something so that they can learn to make the right choices.

But what's to be done about flippant organized crime?

Tony can't be serious.

Maybe it's just because I'm a heathen from the Colonies who doesn't speak the Queen's English, but I've gotta think they could have come up with a better name. They're calling it the British FBI, but at least "the FBI" or "Federal Bureau of Investigation" both sound pretty serious. Er, intimidating. But no, they're getting the Serious Organized Crime Agency over there. I would have a tough time with that gig, because I would probably waste my whole first week just fucking around, continually saying "Okay, that's enough; it's time to get serious."

Lowering the standards for convictions? Telephone intercepts? Look, Tony, if you want your country to become the 51st state, why don't you just fucking ask? I obviously don't know jack about British law or politics (I barely know shit about our own; doesn't stop me from shooting my mouth off in true American fashion), but this does sound a little PATRIOT-like.

In the end, I'm sure British law enforcement people are thrilled to have an American in charge of something with the prospect of more to come. I doubt the phrase "wanker" is being thrown around at all.
Just what we need, more religious zealots piloting planes. Where the fuck is al Qaeda when you need them? Round up a bunch of motherfuckers like this pilot, load them into a plane, and then crash it into the fucking Vatican or something.

Okay, so I don't know about this story - it sounds a little unreal. Whether all the allegations are true or not, at least it gave me an excuse to make some tasteless and offensive jokes. Because we never find an excuse to do that around here.
You know the White House is getting nervous when Karl Rove is willing to unleash Bush in a TV interview. Of course, it's not like Rove didn't have total control over what went on in that interview. There's always the chance that Bush will fuck something up and send the script up in flames, but that's why it was taped a day before airing.

Bush's defense of his Vietnam-era Guard service is laughable. Look, I can't give the guy a hard time for avoiding going to Vietnam. Damn near every last one of us would do what he did, taking advantage of family wealth or connections to get out of having to fight in that war. I know I would; but of course, I'm a self-admitted coward. No, what's laughable is that Bush is actually trying to defend himself. We all know what he was doing in the Guard (as I think The Daily Show put it, "bravely defending Texas from Charlie"), so just knock it off already, Bush. Although, even if I can empathize with what he did, it does still look pretty stupid when you're trying to run on a platform of being all patriotic and shit.

Also, had Bush served like others did, by actually fighting, maybe he wouldn't have been so eager to commit troops to Iraq last year. Don't give me any shit about how it was a difficult decision (as Bush himself has said). It was an easy decision. How do I know? I remember him saying that after going on TV to announce the beginning of the war, he went to fucking bed. That is not a man conflicted. If I'm sending people off to die, even I'm going on a three-day sleepless bender wondering if I made the right decision. Which is yet another reason why I will never be president. We can't have a commander in chief that worried, 'cause he's got shit to do. But give me something, George. Show me some agony. Jesus, fucking lie to me; we know you're good at that.

I wish someone would just fucking take a run at Bush and really press him on this Iraq war shit.

"What wasn't wrong was the fact that he had the ability to make a weapon."
"Yeah, but you said he already had weapons. LOTS of them."
"But he did have the ability to make a weapon. It was a gathering threat that had to be dealt with."
"You're avoiding the issue. You said on the eve of war that he was an imminent threat who had lots of nasty weapons."
"Well, we had bad intelligence. I made the correct decision based on the information available."
"No, you made the wrong decision based on faulty, if not doctored, evidence. A decision that was determined well in advance, I might add. And hey, what happened to getting the intelligence community's shit together after 9/11, anyway?"

I know, I know. No one would ever do that, because the next day that interviewer and his family would disappear. Shit, I'd rather go to fucking 'Nam than invoke the wrath of Karl Rove.

Sunday, February 08, 2004

Take 3

Just as a warning, this post contains some links of a non-work-appropriate nature.

Okay, so a few people know the trials and tribulations of my other 'blog, Serafuku. Even fewer care. It's pretty much gotten to the point where the site is getting enough traffic that it completely shithammers my bandwidth limits for the file hosting service, which is sad because that site gets very little traffic. Like I said a couple of days ago, I'm not all that excited about helping other guys get off. Apparently I'm a little excited, though, otherwise I wouldn't bother. Still, I just don't have the patience to work out some sort of superscalar solution like John has. The scheme he has come up with is pretty fucking brilliant, but yeah, I would post even less if I went with that solution. Unlike John, I don't have the patience.

While I don't have much patience, I am pretty fucking stupid. Posting to Serafuku is kind of a hassle as it is, you see. It's not atrocious, but I figured I could automate a lot of the process by writing a perl script to generate thumbnails and the Blogger post text. All that leaves is copying files over and making the post itself. Not a total turnkey solution, but still a decent improvement.

Well, I got to thinking. Yeah, I do that every once in a great while. I have long since thought about migrating away from the 'blog format to just a regular ol' site with images 'n' thumbnails. To do that, though, I knew I would probably want to write a script that can generate pages of thumbnails with ease.

So, yeah, I decided to hack the script some more so that it would create web pages instead of Blogger posts. I then proceeded to up yet another Angelfire account where the web pages and images will be stored.

I don't know what Angelfire's bandwidth limitations are, but hopefully this will be much better than Ripway. I should be able to get one or two visitors a day without hitting the stupid cap. I can only store 20 megs worth of shit on Angelfire (as opposed to Ripway's 30), so I'll have to get into some kind of image rotation scheme seeing as how I'll probably post more than four pics of each model and as such will reach 20 with a quickness. Also, here's to hoping that Angelfire doesn't just shut the fucking page down in 12 minutes like they did the last time I tried hosting images there. It should work better, though, since I'm setting up legit webpages instead of just turning it into an image repository that I link to from a 'blog.

I'm going to transfer all of the pics from the 'blog over to the new site. In addition to the ones from the 'blog, I'll be posting some additional pictures of each model so that it's worth checking all the galleries. Yeah, you're welcome. So far, I've transferred a few sets over. Some are the oldest posts, but a handful are some more recent ones if you've had trouble snagging them thus far.

So yeah. I'm too lazy to do what John does, so instead I waste an entire day writing perl scripts and setting up a new site. Why the fuck did I bother telling you all this? I don't know. But there are probably one two or three people at least who give a shit about this "announcemen,." so I figured it might as well come with the usual worthless commentary.

Oh, and for anyone who does give a shit, you're probably gonna want the link. It can be found here. Let me know what 'ya think, if there are any problems, suggestions, etc.
Google search:

handkerchief fetishes

I'm a pretty sick pervert, and have heard all sorts of shit over the years. As yet, I'm pretty sure this is a new one on me. I'm not condemning these hankie fetishists, just pointing out that I learned something new today.

-1, redundant

There have been an exorbitant number of stupid relationship-related questions on Slashdot's front page lately (two), and here's the latest:

"Help!!! I've been dating my geek for three months and I'm in a bit of a dilemma. So I thought I'd ask the men of Slashdot what they would want as a Valentine's Day gift. I'm looking for something out of the ordinary that will knock his socks off. Somthing clever, crafty and unique. The budget is $100. My geek's interests are typical geek fare, games, computers, music and gadgetry. So! You, men of Slashdot, tell me what you would want to recieve for Valentine's day and help me make my geek happy."

Um, how about sex? If he's really a geek (which at least comes into question if he's got a girlfriend), he probably hasn't seen much of this. Hopefully he'll get you a spellchecker as your goddamn V-day gift.

Seriously, this woman has got to be about the laziest person ever. "Hmmm, I can't figure out what to get him, so let's let the 37 billion Assdot readers out there solve the dilemma for me."

Suck it up, lady (perhaps somewhat literally) and figure it out your damn self. Look, I hate figuring out what to buy for others more than anyone, female friends especially. No, not for the reasons you think, namely that I'm an asshole. No, I always want my gifts to actually be meaningful, and above all, something they'll like and enjoy. With most people, I am always absolutely terrified that I'm going to pick something that they think sucks ass. As such, I often try and put off buying shit as long as I can. For example, one friend of mine has a birthday in February, and I got her a gift in... September. Which, of course, leads back to the looking like an asshole thing. For once, that's not the angle I'm going for, but I pretty much can't do anything right anyway.

This of course reminds me that in addition to still needing to get her a Christmas gift (in my defense, I actually got her something, but realized it wasn't that great and need to find something better... see what I put myself thorough?), her birthday is once again approaching. God effing damn it.
I could have sworn I'd posted this cosplay link before, but a quick check of the archives says otherwise. Meanwhile, might as well pass along this cosplay link, which I was alerted to by ETP who originally heard about it from John.