Nothing cheers 'ya up like waking up to a story about dead baby turtles.

Still, nothing will piss me off as much as this one story that ran on our local news several years ago. It was about a bunch of kittens, and they were sick for some reason or other - I can't quite remember. Anyway, it's a bunch of kittens, so naturally I'm like "awwwww..." But you know what happened at the end of the story? The kittens died. You don't run a fucking story about cute kitties who die in the end! I know it's the fucking news, but where is my happy ending? When it comes to kittens, no happy ending, no story, got it?

Although I was bitter and disillusioned at the time, I think I still had a shred of hope and joy left in me, but that story destroyed it.