So, it was college football kickoff weekend these past couple of days. Woo hoo. My alma mater won, beating their in-state rival. Woo fucking hoo again.

College sports piss me off. I know what you're saying - "Something pisses you off? That can't be." But it's true. I fucking hate college athletics.

Not all college sports, mainly basketball and football. Others, like crew team, are fine. Hell, crew team is fucking gay anyway, and as we all know, I'm down with the gay community.

Actually, it's really just the fans I hate. No, wait, I just remembered how I hate the athletes, too. So much anger, so little time.

What pisses me off about college sports fans, especially the really rabid ones, is the fact that they're getting wood over a bunch of fucking kids. Not "wood" and "kids" in the Catholic Priest sense, even though both are apparently accepted in this society. Anyway, a lot of these fans either have never had athletic ability, or once had it and lost it. They just want to live vicariously through guys half their age who have the ability to throw round or oblong objects around. They're basically as bad as the guys who play fantasy sports, who desperately wish they could manage their own club, but can't (As a note, this isn't any sort of personal attack on a certain someone; I know you're not trying to fulfill your shattered dreams of being a pro coach. However, you did pay the price of admission, so you're still a pussy, just in a better way). Also, like with most things, I'm generalizing. Not all fans are like this, but plenty of them are.

I don't know, it just seems so fucked up to idolize guys half your age. This is what you grew up for?

I, on the other hand, have decided to take a different route. I don't worship or idolize college sports stars; I hate them. Obviously, a lot of my hatred comes from jealousy. These guys are big, athletic, and can get women. I sometimes just wonder what it would be like to wander around campus, saying "I could fuck that chick, I could fuck that chick...." Instead of "That chick doesn't see me, that chick doesn't see me... And, I'm going to kill myself." Okay, I've never thought that until now, but the point stands.

And why do these guys get the glory? Because they can do shit with a ball. I can solve systems of differential equations (with some review), these guys can run fast. I know, doing DiffEq shit isn't entertaining, but still. Do you realize how fucking stupid some of these guys are? I'm not saying all of them, OK. Some of them really are bright, and I respect that, and probably don't hate them as much. But seriously, I once saw a college game where one of the players was MAJORING in GENERAL STUDIES. Not "undecided" or "undeclared" (which are sometimes counted as a major in statistics), but general fucking studies. I'll bet that "major" was made up specifically for athletes. These guys get a free ride to school for this shit. Meanwhile, a double-E with a 3.9 gets next to nothing.

Yes, I'm envious. Yes, I'm bitter. But at least I'll admit it, instead of sublimating it into this machismo bullshit of being a "college hoops junkie." I know that "admitting it" doesn't amount to shit, but sometimes I like to think it does.

The only comfort is knowing that most of these kids are going to not go on to pro careers, instead landing in jobs in the food service industry. Some will make it, but that can't be helped. Either way, they will some day begin breaking down into crying fits, longing for their "glory days."

I realize that the idolizing of men half your age applies to most sports, but for some reason college sports piss me off the most. Again, I think it's just bitterness, since I was recently a college student, and essentially one of these kids' peers. As yet, they end up getting all of this attention and all of my tuition money so they can continue to do shit with a ball.