So my FHM subscription hasn't run out, unfortunately. On the cover of this month's issue, they're announcing "Jenny McCarthy - She's back!" And all I can say is, fuck. I hate Jenny McCarthy.

I used to have this huge thing for Jenny McCarthy when she was first in Playboy. Ohhhhh yeahhhhh, the October '93 issue. She was fucking hot back then. I did quite a bit of practicing my hand/eye coordination with that issue. But you know that thing where she started talking? That didn't work out so well. I'm not saying all pretty women should keep quiet, just the ones who are stupid and obnoxious. I'm not saying I wouldn't have still had sex with her, but her attractiveness waned over the years, due in part to the fact that I couldn't stand her.

So there we go. I busted out the issue. Still looks the same, would still have sex with her as long as she kept her trap shut. You know, the trap that words come out of. Again, not as hot as the good ol' days, but not bad considering that she must be like 80 years old now.

Speaking of Playboy, the one area where I've seen fit to give them some money and not feel too stupid about it is with their Special Editions. Like tonight, they got another chunk of change out of me for all the issues I've missed in the past several months, with the exception of "Voluptuous Vixens," which is just pluto-sized silicone tits extravaganza. I hate that issue with a passion. "We don't care if they're pretty - they have huge breasts!" I could go on about this country's big tit obsession, but we'll leave that rant for another time. Anyway, the rest of the SEs usually have a good number of hot women (some fake, of course, others natural), and few words to bother with. It's not that I dislike reading, it's just that it's Playboy. If you're really reading Playboy for the articles, let's face it - you're an asshole.

Ahhh, who am I kidding? Hotties or not, I'm such a tool.